不计较不比较心存感恩

In One Fell Swoop

2012-01-11T21:56:00.001+08:00

AYE at night, 060112
Friday saw an affirmation of my status - what my college life has offered me thus far.

God is offering so much, no, too much to me on a silver platter. Strangely, though, I have this sinking feeling that with a despotic snap of the fingers, everything will be taken away in one fell swoop. And my soul will be consumed in a grey limbo before it all ends in a blinding flash. In my pursuit, I have forgotten to forget to worry.

ə dʒedəd nɪu jɪr

2011-12-30T22:49:00.012+08:00

Mid-Dec sunset, 2011
I have bigger and more jaded plans for myself.

The Year Of Many Firsts

2011-12-26T18:18:00.002+08:00

2011 has been a year of many firsts. My first interview in the Dean's Office - and clinching a spot in a prestigious overseas university. My first time winning first place in a nationwide photography competition - and got my name published in a popular magazine. My first surgery in NUH - and my surgeon recognised me as 'the girl who cried during the operation'. Of course, I also shared many firsts with my supportive, lovable and crazy NUS clique/PMF. The list is simply non-exhaustive!

It has also been a very tumultuous semester for me, with the barrage of leadership roles, long-term projects, large-scale events and the like. I guess my efforts materialised in the form of a higher CAP this time, but how burnt out I was! I could literally count the number of times I returned home from school before 8 over the course of the semester with one hand. Regardless of the time I slipped into unconsciousness, I have never once slept in. Flitting lethargy was fueled by my ongoing ketogenic diet, which caused me to lose 10 kg and counting. I probably seemed like a walking dead most of the time, but my PMF's infectious laughter and camaraderie really spurred me on to the end. :) I will honestly miss them loads when I fly off in 2013!

My 'holidays' have been well-spent too - especially last week! It was mainly a test of speed, endurance and definitely agility! Over the span of a few days, I played with chicken and rat carcasses, saw new animals, stepped on countless crustaceans (sorry, crabs and sea cockroaches!) and got myself downright dirty and wet. Thank God for a truly amazing company which made my journeys much more bearable and enjoyable! :D This experience has undoubtedly given me a deeper insight into the esoteric specialisation of environmental biology. One thing's for sure, though - I NEED my spot in the freshwater/marine bio lab!

One last thing: Replay Sunday.

9 Hours In A Forest

2011-12-18T19:46:00.003+08:00

As the cicadas hummed in No Man's Land, every rise and fall of the sea breeze warmed my blood. Fronds, tendrils and exquisite plants framed a scene which was believed to have seen pristine days. Much to our chagrin, the rattan and smilax ensconced in the recesses of the reserve impishly snagged our skin and clothes. The squalls came and went. My glasses fogged up and my vision was considerably affected by the last downpour. Clutching the wet GPS tightly (and frantically I might add), I gingerly waded across puddles of muddy water, tackled fallen logs and crunched my way through the dense understorey, sans glasses. I almost thought civilisation was an impossibility until I saw the clearing. Then the asphalt. And then the car. For the 1st time in my life, I opened my arms and embraced the heavenly showers from above. And suddenly, I was cleansed of all defilement of thought and regret. I believed I had accomplished something.

The 7 cuts on my arms aren't comparable to the lacerations in my heart. This experience has enlightened me. These people have motivated me. I will change.

2011 Canon Photo Contest

2011-11-05T01:04:00.011+08:00

A COLOSSAL thank you to friends and strangers across the nation! :)

Knights in Darkness by ~chewygummies on deviantART

Others:

Ambushed by ~chewygummies on deviantART

Royal Reflections by ~chewygummies on deviantART

My Supportive Fmabily

2011-10-17T23:50:00.003+08:00

He clutched his chest and suddenly, I remembered.

Having interviewed people like me, my professor asked why I did not pursue a scholarship that would allow me to undertake my course of study overseas. "Because of family." I said dryly, ending the sentence a tad too curtly for fear of crying in front of yet another lecturer.

When I was young, I used to abhor the incessant, grating snores as my parents slept. Now, they are nothing but melodious tunes to my ears. Whenever my tired father falls asleep on the sofa, I would look out for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest so that I know his heart is still beating. At times I would wonder where my mum gets her energy from, as her cataracts worsen and joints become increasingly stiff. With all these in mind, I'm not sure if my brother, carefree and guileless, would help me support my parents as time is slowly, but steadily rearing its ugly head.

It pains me to know these very people are the ones who will be accompanying me to the operating room. I am extremely afraid, even though I was assured that it's going to be a smooth (but painful) operation. I can imagine my mind bathed in a blend of blood, tears and fears... but I also know that their presence will be my best anesthetic.

I thank God for giving me a supportive fmabily.

Postera Crescam Laude

2011-10-01T00:23:00.002+08:00

Evanescent shock eventually blossomed into sheer exultation and relief when I read those three words twice. I was basking in sweet elation - my good friends' and mine - when I realised with a pang that I was the only person in the faculty who was selected. It wasn't about any underlying connotations of prestige or superiority, but the cruel fact that the rest were simply not chosen.

For the rest of the day, I felt strangely guilty about my own success. I pondered about the extremely rivalrous nature of the programme and it just didn't quell all the negative energy. It was only when mum asked, "You think they want it 'from the bottom of their hearts'? So would you give up your place for them?" that I knew the answer to her rhetorical question all along.

What an intriguing transition of emotions. I can only hope that my course of study will be a self-actualizing process and not a refuge for responsibility.

pænəsiə fɔr ə pændɔrəz bɔks

2011-09-18T14:31:00.001+08:00

Assuming an air of bravado, I'd step out in my best heels and say it to their face. Because I have made a pact with suicide 1 year ago, I cancelled 8 sessions with the counsellor, I stopped looking out of the window, I stopped crying myself to sleep every night. But now, it has come back for me in the form of tears that should've been shed then.

Even so, nobody bothered to look past the occasional "I'm OK"-s and "I'm fine"-s. Contrary to popular belief, my stress is not academic-related. Does it take 365 days for the earth to revolve around the sun once? Does it take a stranger to notice the stifling responsibilities and expectations I'd like to shrug off?

Maybe I will smoothen the creases of my skirt and click my heels to quell the hunger for reclamation. You can grant me a transient utopia. Dear panel, let this be the panacea for my Pandora's box. Let me have it.

No, because the secret will die with me.

æn əmjuzɪŋ aftərnun

2011-08-30T20:05:00.001+08:00

ɪt hæd bɪn æn əmjuzɪŋ aftərnun jɛstərdeɪ, ænd ɪts streɪndʒli fan bət taɪrɪŋ tʊ kɔnstəntli taɪp ɪn IPA so I shall stop here. Linguistics presentation went well (extolled!), easily combed ¼ of the National University of Stairs by walking from UTown to S2, being quintessentially PMF by P-ing with my PMFs, burnt the rest of the day away with YX and my half-baked SEP checklist, left UTown and walked (again!) for miles before finally settling at the wrong bus stop.

Due to my hectic schedule, I'll be on a hiatus until... God knows when. Someone should seriously warn the undergrads about applying for SEP. Anyway, I realised VUW isn't that great anymore when I was researching potential universities. The undecided/indecisive me is currently eyeing UCB/ANU/others asdfghjkl I just hope that some overseas college would kindly accept this jaded student here.

Silence Of Love

2011-08-17T12:36:00.005+08:00

Teared in my first linguistics lecture when Hiramoto-sensei played this video:

UTown is an architectural behemoth in and of itself; it is totally different from the other dingy buildings scattered all over the campus. Even the interior of the LT parallels to that of concert halls/movie theatres and the chairs are amazingly comfortable (or at least better than those irritating ones at LT 26). I am just saddened that Bus D is no longer my express shuttle because of the new UTown route and bright-eyed freshmen clinging to each other for dear life.

Your Perfect Daughter is really tired, but

The Great Depression

2011-08-06T21:12:00.001+08:00

It always astounds me how I can effortlessly lie to everyone impassively.

I have this amazing ability to recount my personal story gaily when in actual fact, I am dying, little by little, from the depression of the past.

"I find it hard to approach her sometimes, because I'm afraid to see her break down."

The truth is, before she does, I will.

(99) Days Of Summer

2011-08-05T03:01:00.005+08:00

From months to weeks to DAYS! How is it possible that school is starting in less than a week?! As much as I'm positively looking forward to an exciting semester ahead, I can't deny that it will also be more harrowing than the previous as I foresee potential family issues and non-existent Saturdays.

Here's a quick rehash of what I did during my 99 days of summer:

1^st YES training @ NUS
It had presumably the best turnout for any YES activity so far! Even though I had zilch knowledge of physics, my favourite prof managed to bring across his ideas to the group effortlessly. I love him (and of course, his teaching skills)! From levitating superconductors to Faraday cages, I was totally enthralled and captivated by the magic of physics. A nifty takeaway for a start.

Cousin's wedding @ Ritz-Carlton
I was honoured to be one of the photographers for his matrimonious day although I felt as if I was getting in the way most of the time! As a co-official, I got to see how an elaborate traditional wedding unfolds before me. Working with the pro (Raymond Phang) was another eyeopener - he made posed shots seem candid! Oh yes, shooting in high heels for the whole day CAN KILL!

NCW @ Biopolis
What a thrilling experience! Surprisingly, not all of us are chem majors (I thought I was the only square peg in a round hole) but we managed to educate the schools and general public sufficiently. Initially I thought I was really unlucky to have gotten the most difficult experiment, but I later found it to be pretty interesting actually! And, Dr Tan remembered me after almost a year! Wow!

NCW BBQ @ Park West
We ended NCW with a celebratory BBQ at the profs' condo. OK this was the actual time when I honestly felt like a square peg because my prof's husband invited his own group of postgrads = total strangers! Thankfully Malfoy was an adept convo-starter and I probably spent an hour animatedly chatting with Snape about... education. It's like freshman sem all over again!

Science summer camp @ NUS
Basically another standard tour of the SDL, but with foreign students from India this time. I'm honestly surprised by the amount of physics they know - in a good way, of course! Seeing how they got owned by the Wimshurst machine repeatedly - I don't think I'll ever dare to even touch that in my lifetime - with tiny blue sparks flitting across their fingers. *glazed eyes*

RMBR open house @ NUS
BEST DAY IN NUS TO DATE. I had immense fun with YY and YX, friends who never fail to make me feel on high every single time, learnt a new skill (or rather, found my innate talent?), PROF BOUGHT MY REPTILIAN CREATION WHICH WAS MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF JUNK CLAY FOR A WHOPPING $50 - had to dispatch a spacecraft to get my ego back to earth!

X-periment! preparation @ NUS
It's a wonder I can still remember what my geometry presentation was all about! Platonic solids, Archimedean solids, truncated polyhedra and chirality. In the end, we omitted Euler's theorem as it might be too profound for the general public. The enantiomorphs of a snub cube were a pain were a pain in the neck to construct because the net blueprint was... asdfghjkl.

CAN Collect @ Bedok
My first time doing a door-to-door collection! Thankfully the weather was cool because I would've melted under the otherwise sweltering weather in my jeans. The skeptical me learnt that there are actually plenty of kind-hearted people who are willing to help society without any qualms. It's pretty heartening to know that such Good Samaritans do exist in Singapore!

Genefest training @ SSC
I don't think the highlight was the training per se but rather, the free admission to SSC! The place has changed quite a bit since I last visited - it now boasts a strangely inviting interior embellished with swanky futuristic gadgets (or maybe I was too young to appreciate science then)! In case you're wondering, the quirky Einstein-lookalike is still climbing up and down the rope. Ho-hum.

X-periment! @ Suntec
The questions posed by the visitors were interesting and thought-provoking, though 10 hours in one place is a really mean feat. Instead of eating my meals, I roamed around the area and had quite a number of intellectual conversations with professionals (with most of them being FTs). I hope the TP students didn't get a dressing down from their lecturer because of my awesomeness. 1102 FTW!

Quilt workshop @ SAM
Capricious weather aside, I loved seeing how supportive some parents can be towards their children. I don't think mine would accompany me for hours under the unforgiving sun! In fact, I was with this mum and her kids for 4 hours straight (the whole duration of the workshop) but they were great fun to talk to. The children were brilliant with their fingers so I just... talked. Hehe.

Genefest @ Suntec
I could say this was the best YES activity I have had! It was SHEER pandemonium in the afternoon when the students flew in throngs and droves before subsiding to a ghost town in the evening. Besides my stint, I also viewed some projects at the Biotech fair (concurrent). Sadly, some of them were quite lacklustre and evidently lacked depth.

It's supposed to be a quick rehash, so birthday celebrations, dinners, social gatherings and my work experience aren't included because I'll probably spend another hour (or two) on this post!

// EDIT: I'm actually looking forward to school! I want to see my ex-students and clique and laugh like old times.

'Your Perfect Daughter'

2011-07-25T00:33:00.005+08:00

Today it hit me. Every time I cry, I would sleep the blues away and laugh them off the next day. But this time, I think the troubles are here to stay.

I no longer want to be 'your perfect daughter'.

For once, I want to be a pain in your ass instead of the perpetual apple of your eye. I want to be babied and I want to torture. I want to spend all the money I earn on things I like/want instead of giving everything to the both of you. I want to be a societal dreg. I want to live a life like everyone else.

But I know I can't do it. You are no longer impressed by my bevy of accomplishments and achievements because, to you, 'it is a common thing'. "You should see that as a compliment!" You remarked as I stared at you blankly. As much as I want to throw tantrums when things don't go my way, my larynx automatically malfunctions while the glands of sadness are roused in a locked room. I give all that I earn to the both of you because I simply feel guilty shopping for things for myself. If I commit socially upsetting acts, the both of you have to fork out a colossal $180K. With all these in mind, I don't think I can live a life like everyone else.

Because this torrent of vertigo-inducing thoughts plagued my mind on the spur of the moment, the tears subconsciously came. He happened to pass by, he saw, and he went, "Mummy, 姐姐's crying."

But you paid no attention to the girl with a heavy heart, because you've never seen through the facade of a happy lark. I can't do anything, because I am your one and only pathetically perfect daughter.

Strawberries And Ethanol

2011-07-23T00:51:00.003+08:00

Photo credit: lisz

My idea of ~~romance~~ a dry summer crush on a Friday night: Holding a tube of liquid life to catch the light, wondering if he would notice. And he did. What's that, he asked. Oh, it's strawberry DNA, I answered most casually. Curiosity twinkled in his eyes - and there we were - our fingers clasped on the tube, gently rotating it in the hope of spotting tangled strands of DNA. We laughed carelessly.

I don't think my favourite prof reads my blog to realise that I'm talking about him.

Maybe this is the result of surviving on meagre scoops of mango gelato for the whole day. Or producing a whopping truncated icosidodecahedron all by myself with sheer grit. Or pretence.

My fingers still smell faintly of strawberries.

Fast Cars And Long Legs

2011-07-16T00:05:00.004+08:00

I'm just another writer

Still trapped within my truth

A hesitant prize fighter

Still trapped within my youth

Instead of researching geometry, revising chemistry, preparing for today's classes and thinking of good excuses to tide me over for the next few weeks, I have been reading this:

This book reminds me of a person I'm avoiding recently (hence the self-proclaimed social media hiatus, but really, my fingers will soon be punching the keypad as willed by catharsis). After 9 chapters, I actually believe that the very epitome of boyish dreams begins with fast cars that burn holes in the sky and long legs which seem to go on endlessly, like blackened lies. Although unspoken, it is tacit. In essence - the spotlight effect that gripes all except for the jaded.

And who am I to judge you

On what you say or do?

I'm only just beginning

To see the real you

I hope Parsons doesn't disappoint with a good ending. Or at least if there is, it shouldn't run parallel to reality; because as sadistic as I am, I don't want that person to be too happy too easily. Or maybe...

At times I'd like to break you

And drive you to your knees

At times I'd like to break through

And hold you endlessly

500D WB SHIFT/BKT A9 G9

2011-07-13T13:07:00.070+08:00

I simply missed toying around with the WB SHIFT/BKT - the perfect tool for lazybones who abhor shooting in RAW and post-processing.
First 2 photos: SHIFT A9 G9
Next 3 photos: Neutral

Tried the other combinations as well (B9 G9, B9 M9 and A9 M9 - wow, I really fancy extremes) where A9 G9 ultimately exuded a more vintage feel that I liked. A-M was overkill, B-M somehow reminded me of a Tungsten WB and B-G was not bad but it seemed to lack the vibrancy (since there was 0 A which was the defining feature, I guess).

Also, look out for the cool lasers at night → NDP → August → SCHOOL. It took me hours to plan 3 desired combinations of modules and timetables, so I'd better get what I want!

Remember to put your hands up and get your drinks up!

Fact, Fiction Or Faction

2011-07-09T20:57:00.002+08:00

Can't help but dance to their sick beats!

Social media hiatus. Icosahedrons, buckyballs and platonic solids. Say yes for SAYES BBQ. Donating $60 to charity. Dissolve and disband, eventually defunct. Will the students from the 1^st class wonder "Where is Miss Lam? Has she quit?" for 3 weeks. Hoping the substitute will be worse than me. Hoping that there won't be a substitute after all. Danced like never before. Hectic weeks ahead. Hands up!

Need strength.

Saddle Point Onwards

2011-07-01T23:01:00.014+08:00

I prefer the mathematical wordplay for this one - saddle point onwards - relative to the title of my first post on this blog (Stationary Point Onwards). It was the first mathematical concept I actually grasped when I was still dying under the notorious engineering math module. Saddle point. f may have a local maximum or minimum at (a,b), where f_x(a,b) or f_y(a,b) does not exist.

But where am I now? Am I admiring a lovely view from the peak or wincing with apprehension at the valley? I am on the cusp of adulthood. I will no longer live as a teenager. All along, I felt as though I truly haven't matured since young, although I am thinking a lot... a lot more now. Sometimes the vices of life don't bare their teeth in your face... but you go searching for them, because you want answers.

I had a brief, but thought-provoking HTHT with my mum recently. Her words just made me realise that I'm really, a very blessed child. To think that I have been berating fate for my cursed childhood and unhappy memories when I am luckier than most. At least I am in college. At least I can smile, laugh and be happy. At least I know the shit that is going to happen in the future. At least I have a place under heaven to go.

Contemplative thoughts aside, I really pray for a good semester. I always want each semester to be better than the one preceding it, but this is probably going to be a ridiculous request since I feel that the best one is already over...! (My clique wuld unanimously agree wuith me) Those were the days where I laughed until I almost peed and bled... uh yes, bleed, as in the inadvertent expulsion of blood. I would do the most entertaining things with my cronies in school, such as:

YX and I either waiting/sprinting like mad for stupid 95 after 11pm a few times each week
Squirrel/bus-watching from the student lounge
Recording my maniacal laughter using friends' Talking Tom Cat despite getting flabbergasted faces from strangers
FIRST TIME EATING MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF FOOD I'VE NEVER BOUGHT BEFORE
Openly chatting away gaily and enjoying Subway in the student lounge even though food is prohibited
E*** PHOTO ALBUM (wait, have we gotten Tuesday's?)
Fangirling over wumanizers... OK wait that's just me
Savouring the classic moment when I told people my pencil box's name
Grousing about how my gambling module was actually a non-intuitive math module in disguise and the stupid 'Vegas BULLET' lecturer
Guan and I fervently hoping to see Connie's heels trip over the mic wire and our heated mini-debates which drowned out the rest of the lecture
Amusing everyone with my insanely imaginative biochemistry mnemonics and analogies
How genetics was just Wu Liou (无聊) and Chewy
YY paparazzi-ing away while I was on a 'date' with *giggles* (OK YX can be the witness of our... LOVE...)
Comparing the quality of Indonesian steamed chicken across the different facs
Forever complaining about EMPTY double-decker 95s going in the opposite direction and missing 95B narrowly
Forever complaining about how small and cramped the Science canteen is
Forever asking the exact location of a particular venue because NUS is too bloody big
Forever contemplating if I should buy that $2.50 Cup Walker... or that $3 Koi...
Forever finishing labs earlier than usual and smirking at my friends
Exchanging doodles with Cheese and texting Erica during philo/hist class while being driven to the brink of excruciating boredom
MY ROCK STAR SHIRTS
Looking out for that special someone before hyperventilating in front of my friends
Having my fair share of stalkers, both on- and offline

... And just so much more. What crazy times! (And this is why I said I'm not mature earlier)

Anyway, the new academic year will definitely be challenging on top of my job, 6-hour labs and impending unrest in the neighbourhood due to upgrading projects. (Hopefully I can still recognise and greet my ex-students! Quote Miss Wong: "They might even become our project mates!" *classic expression*)

I thank God for awesome friends and a supportive family.

RMBR 062511 Forever

2011-06-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

Thank you:

Yi Xiu and Yan Yi for being such swell buddies all the way! You guys make me laugh shitloads, from S5 to S2, from cute blue insects to stumpy elephants, from alternating metallic fingernails to potato wedges, from anything else to everything else! :) Y2K!
PROF TAN FOR BUYING MY LIZARD FOR $50!!! IT'S THE MOST EPIC AND GRATIFYING THING SINCE THE ADVENT OF TWITTER HAHAHA OMG.
The other helpers who did not give up on my atrocious seastar/clownfish skills. Hey butterfly! Hey Pre-Cambrian arthropod! HEY LIZARD.
Mr W for confiding in me, really - I can feel your pain. But let's work hard together and hang in there!
To those who are going to be dismayed and frustrated 'cos of me in the near future but understand my predicament. This may sound fishy enough but, since I know I am going to disappoint (for reasons I can't divulge ATM), I'd just like to extend my apologies in advance first. Try keeping a secret for 7 years, and you'll know.

Not wanting this post to end on a sour note, uh... $50 LIZARD-ON-A-ROCK, A.K.A. WASTE CLAY ON MORE WASTE CLAY (or creativity on more creativity because my ego is going to hit the clouds any moment). 250611 is officially the BEST DAY IN NUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smart Players... Lose?

2011-06-17T02:17:00.000+08:00

Smart players sometimes lose to dumb ones

Such a thought-provoking and interesting article calls for a new blog post. Incidentally, I was also introduced to this game in my gambling module. By logic, the Nash equilibrium should be 0, as any other number might result in a lower payoff for the player.

However, in this special case where statistics have shown that the average is usually 20, the strategist loses! This number even nicely tallied with a German research (Ironically, I got this from Math Fail). Does this mean that game theory at fault? That the Nash equilibrium might not actually yield the best possible results in all scenarios?

Before we quickly dismiss the beauty of Nash, let us review the fundamentals of the theory. No theory is without its underlying assumptions, and game theory is no exception. When we routinely devise a payoff matrix for each game in question, we forget what we have always been doing - all players behave rationally; they seek to maximise their payoffs and each player knows all possible combinations of strategies and payoffs.

Bearing that in mind, is this game then truly an example of game theory in play? Sure, the 'smart' players definitely considered the elements of game theory, but on the whole, not all players have perfect knowledge...? Of course, if I assume this for all games, then it would be virtually impossible since there will be imperfect knowledge unless everyone knows the workings of game theory!

I feel like I'm back to square one without a definite answer! But let me just say that I'm not implicitly mocking the author or anything. If I don't dwell on the technicalities and take this with a pinch of salt, players who over-think really do lose to those who blithely go with the flow!

Credits to Barry Hughes for the good read!

7 Hours Of Chemistry

2011-05-28T16:52:00.005+08:00

And I miraculously survived on 0 hours of sleep the night before!

Although the stuffy S5-01 lab revolved around chemicals and instructions, the demonstrations were truly an eye-opener. Noxious fumes of ammonia cascaded down a colossal measuring cylinder in soft white curls as blocks of dry ice sublimed and bubbled vigourously. Hot elephant toothpaste jetted from another cylinder before collapsing into a thick, sinewy chunk. Nickel complexes displaying a spectra of pastel-like colours. The very promise of much more lying in wait despite the tense atmosphere.

I couldn't sleep at all the night before (which earned me a few quizzical looks from my fellow chemists when questioned about my sleeping habits). I was seriously scared and to a certain extent, excited for the arrival of this day. This may sound like an overused hyperbole but it can either make or break (literally!). Much of the fear stemmed from too little practice... or the absolute lack thereof. After countless reminders about taking it slow, my heart was still fraught with clammy apprehension because a lot of things could potentially go haywire. What if the luminol still couldn't fluoresce after the hydrogen peroxide has been added? What if my hands automatically spiral into epilepsy and I spill the contents? Whatever I do will either strengthen or shatter my aptitude for chem. Sheer horror!

But in the end, my segment went very well although it was done in darkness! The luminol fluoresced beautifully, albeit transiently. It was just so surreal standing on stage in front of distinguished guests at Biopolis (full house!!!) and enjoying myself thoroughly behind a swirling rivulet of neon green chemiluminescence. First mission accomplished! :)

The magic show didn't go too smoothly, though. However, the cast managed to pull everything off amidst numerous hiccups with their apt impromptu improvisations, especially Snape (my chem/science philo/history prof)! Speaking of Snape, he was brilliant - carrying himself with such jurisdiction while looking all scholarly with his green tome - too funny! And guess who I spotted amongst the crowd - Dr Tan! It has been ages, or more specifically 9 months since I last talked to her. I felt bad when I deliberately avoided her during the execution of the blue bottle experiment, but nevertheless she came to look for me during the demonstration break! *claws face* She still remembers me! To think she even prepared 6 l worth of solution (hydrogen peroxide, malonic acid + Mn and potassium iodate, no less) for me! "I spent all day preparing these solutions for you!" In light of 'our history', this made me feel more indebted to her in a way...

After the demonstrations, my new friend and I crashed another A*STAR lecture which was *cough* aaaaadmittedly much more organised than our magic show. (The scientists were hot too but that's another thing.) And Snape won the lucky draw; his prize came with an extra hands-on demonstration on the Briggs-Rauscher reaction - and all I could think of was 'Dr Lee 擅长; A*STAR 你等着瞧'! :P PLUS both of us explained the oscillating chemical reaction WRT fluctuations in population dynamics too! Très epic!

Oh yes, here's a nugget out of a hundred from the Fact or Fantasy quiz - silver has anti-bacterial properties! *caresses stains of silver (oxide) on lab coat* Good day everyone!

National Chemistry Week 2011

2011-05-26T11:56:00.001+08:00

CLICK ME

Your support will be greatly appreciated!

What Is Ignorance?

2011-05-24T01:08:00.001+08:00

Ignorance is bliss. I cannot emphasize how grossly understated this quote is. Ignorance is immersing oneself into a momentary state of utopia. A place undefined by cosmological boundaries where only the freshest pink periwinkles flourish.

Ostriches hide their head in the sand for two main reasons. The first and more commonly known reason is that of a metaphor - of which fools pretend to hear no evil, see no evil and/or speak no evil. Pretend, because the truth has already been seared into one's head. The damage has already been done; what is left to speak of? The other is that ostriches sometimes lay their head on the ground to swallow sand and pebbles as they feed. There is really nothing special in this interesting behaviour of the flightless birds, but to me, it is strangely evocative all the same. To apply it simply in real life, some are assuming that I'm merely turning a blind eye to everything when they have sadly misunderstood the situation.

Don't they know that girls act strong when they're at their weakest?

And to hell with the spotlight effect. To hell with 'fresh-faced' individuals. To hell with what the media expects of 'us', or, 'me'. To hell with the obvious lack of experience and sunshine. To hell with blemishes and guilt and insecurities that linger dangerously like the wispy tendrils of cigarette smoke.

Damn, to hell with everything.

I am not ready to confess.

Year 2, Semester 1, Ground 0

2011-05-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

At this time last year she was looking at a different person in the mirror. Someone who was still unsuspectingly (I cannot emphasize how understated this word is) enjoying the last few days of work with bubble tea highs. Someone who travelled far and wide with an underachieving DSLR and muted dreams. Someone who rushed home for video conferences to record yet another slew of notes while being thoroughly amused by amplified noises which drowned out the rest of the world. Someone who was looking forward to college and new friends. Someone who wanted to make a change in the world, but not knowing how to make a change within herself.

Life was good then, so does she still want to make that change now?

Being Politically Netural

2011-05-06T16:12:00.005+08:00

An apt time for me to cool off.

Here's an online article which encapsulates my various thought bubbles nicely: [click]

Since mid-April, I have seen so many GE-related issues/posts on set, net and especially twitter. It really irks me when I witness how childish and amateurish some people can get. People who make baseless accusations after watching a rally video or two. People who criticize but don't appreciate. People who think they totally comprehend the socio-economic condition of the nation like a mantra is to the monk. The problem is, politicians have brains too - surely they must have meted out a thorough CBA, viewed numerous statistical data over the years and did intensive research before coming to a conclusion? Chances are, these politicians definitely know the ramifications of their actions BETTER THAN YOU DO. How can some people be so captious and tactless? We obviously don't have to accept the merits of their manifesto wholly, but at least FREAKING THINK BEFORE YOU START HURLING VERBAL BARBS?

Singaporeans won't see the consequences of their votes tomorrow, but they will unfold in the course of 5 years.

Why be swayed by words of the inept?

My opinion? Your decision.

PS: I realised there was a typo in the title... but I'm not going to change it. Because that is the way it is supposed to be - when equality was still equal?

Cheese Tissue Birthday

2011-05-05T02:29:00.000+08:00

Burning in jealousy 'cos other people have awesome post-exam activities - but I don't. Unless you think it's fun to kidnap girls in Orchard.

Cheaters, Suckers And Grudgers

2011-04-01T01:17:00.008+08:00

Here's a long post that will 'compensate' for my impending blogging inactivity for the next few weeks!

"The reply 'dunno' is often a smokescreen for answers we don't want to, or are not ready to give." - @museoramuse

Having learnt, in chronological order, the economical, mathematical and philosophical aspects of game theory in 3 different modules... I have come to realise that life is a game theory per se.

My logic is analogous to that of the Prisoner's Dilemma, but not quite; I generalised and came up with a few assumptions. In the classical example, each prisoner was unaware of the opponent's move - to cooperate (C), or defect (D). In my case, I liken the prisoners to typical Singaporean students, S1 and S2. However, both students would only know when they C-C. Other cases such as C_S1-D_S2, C_S2-D_S1 and D-D also exist, but only under conditions where S1 and S2 do not know what the other is thinking.

So, what exactly do C-C, C-D and D-D signify?

C-C: S1 and S2 sharing all the information they know freely, without restraint and hesitation
C-D: One student acts as the 'sucker' (Johansen (2003) posits that 'such saints can cynically be called 'suckers') sharing all the information he knows freely, without restraint and hesitation. The other student acts as the 'cheater' and does not divulge anything.
D-D: Both are fueled by their own selfish motivations.

This thus begets the question: Does C-C purely reflecting the altruistic intentions of both parties, or is there more to the story? Would you cooperate (C-C) until the end, or drop the bomb at the very last minute and defect (C-D)?

My class played a game on the Prisoner's Dilemma during the seminar. All we did was to simply choose if we'd like to C or D for 10 rounds. The points earned for each were cumulative and tallied at the end of 5 games. Prior to the commencement of the game, I already knew the various basics and strategies involved - where the Nash equilibrium was, the Tit-for-Tat strategy, etc.. While my classmates were having fun testing the different combinations involved, I was more interested in analyzing the behavioural inclinations behind my opponents' moves.

I played with 5 people.

#1: D all the way. My opponent sensed that I was going to D all the way, so he only started D-ing after the 4th round.
#2: D all the way. This opponent gave occasional Cs in hope of establishing a C-C relationship with me, but I didn't. So after the 5th round, she also D-ed all the way.
#3: C all the way until the 10th round, where I shocked my opponent by D-ing at the last minute.
#4: C all the way until the 9th round. Even after D-ing at the 9th round and continuing with another D for the 10th, my opponent still wished to C with me. Interesting.
#5: Alternating C and Ds, regardless of the opponent's move. After the 6th round, this opponent saw my trend and started to D all the way, making me lose for this round.

This sounds like inscrutable stuff.

Anyway, if one abides by theory alone, the typical Nash equilibrium would be D-D. If this holds true for the case I've made up, then the progress of society will stagnate! We will never have anymore breakthroughs!
This is just a little afterthought for you to chew on. (If you actually bothered to even comprehend the essence of my words)

Sigh, this is what staunch meritocracy does to you (or me, at least) - thinking about nonsense all day!

The tacit pragmatism and jaded routines? All too familiar.

***

By the way, here's an interesting link on hypothesis testing (not exactly the one you did in 'A' Level math) I got from philosophy class: The Dragon in My Garage by Carl Sagan

And here's another equally humourous video: What Teachers Make by Taylor Mali. Thanks Guan for the link! (Or view below)

* This is going to sound like an insanely abstruse post if you don't know the logic behind Game Theory sufficiently. But anyway, I know some parts are incoherent because I am not right in the mind at this ungodly hour.

** It's fine if nobody understands me. You might laugh at me, mock me, lambaste me for being 'pseudo-philosophical', farcical, or whatever. Or even going "Like hell yeah you're talking trash, girl", but I'd rather store my current thoughts in archives instead of losing them in a sea of forgotten memories.

Watch this space. I might spring up an update or two.

Megadeath Of The Mind

2011-03-26T15:19:00.032+08:00

11.30am, Veerasamy Road

I haven't accepted death, even though they say it's a wonderful thing. It's akin to slow poison coursing through your veins, only that the process is fast and (should I say usually) painless. To me, death is God's way of taking someone away from you for a higher purpose. I imagine the high and holy, extending a hand that furtively caresses the interstices of life, before adding the miracle poison.

I've always thought I was a hypocrite, until I realised that I'm actually a chameleon.

Don't bother me. I'm bipolar today.

Edicius Once Again

2011-03-19T00:34:00.000+08:00

"Why do you always look so troubled?"
"It hurts. Because everyone knows, but nobody cares."

Meridian, I Ch(o)ose You!

2011-03-04T22:40:00.002+08:00

It was a painful dilemma in the past. Torn between MJC and NYJC, I honestly had no idea whom to seek help for my JAE application.

I was at a crossroads.

My uncle, perhaps, knew what was dear to me.
And so we talked.

"Where do you intend to go to?"
"I don't know. I'm thinking of Nanyang, because the travelling time is shorter."
"Shorter by how many minutes?"
"I think... 15 minutes? I really hate travelling a lot. And there is a direct bus to Nanyang."
"OK. 15 minutes. Have you been to Nanyang before?"
"Yes."
"Do you like the environment there?"
"Not really. I prefer Meridian. I think I'm quite used to the life there."
"Ah, OK. So... think about it. If you go to Nanyang, you will need to adjust to the new environment again. Furthermore, is that 15 minutes a day very important to you?"

Looking back, I may have groused shitloads about the suffocative pedagogies and all, but they were nothing but complaints on the surface. Today, I went back. It was my second home, all again. My friends and I stood in the center of the hall in a circle while the energies of life whizzed past - the anxiety, the fear, the tears, the joy. We've been here, we've done that, we've seen it all. I saw my student running into the arms of her smiling friend with such delight I cannot describe.

So this is what it means to make a difference.

Thank you Meridian, for giving me the education I never doubted. No regrets.

I was at a crossroads. I chose this route, and lived my life to the fullest.

Three Is Better Than Too

2011-02-18T21:53:00.003+08:00

Today, I was Intrepid Adventurer. With 5kg on my shoulders and an additional 10kg on my hands, we were led astray by the high hands of wanderlust. We scaled stairs, climbed over a fence, ran for our lives and laughed gaily while all the biochem professors peered at us amusedly. Precarious tactics aside, we finally found the elusive corner with much difficulty, but our hearts were filled with trippy fun at its best. "Oh, so it was you three who ran outside just now! That's very dangerous! You can fall off (from the 5^th level)!" We laughed again.

My cronies and I, we are one.

*, The Jealous Hypocrite

2011-02-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

I usually have this incensed whirlwind of thoughts in my mind, but when I sign into Blogger and am ready to dispense my pent-up feelings, I can't. I simply can't. I find it so wearisome, so fatigue-inducing when I try to articulate my thoughts into words.

Sometimes, I just want to be recognised, but definitely not for my looks. "Don't judge a book by its cover" is such a painfully cliché statement, and will continue to be. Incidentally, I watched a few SNSD MVs with my cousin today. Plastic girls, plastic smiles, plastic hearts. Prancing around in colourful clothes and flashing their megawatt pearlies as though they don't give a damn about the world. Sadly, in actual fact, everyone is plastic. They conceal their sadism with poker faces. I am inclined to believe that. Life is merely a meaningless facade.

Back to the story - I just want people to recognise me for who I am - my thoughts, my character, in essence, me. What courses through my veins is practically not jadedness, but jaded practicality. There's a difference. Maybe that is why I can only be a typical girl, but not an atypical one.

You don't write because you want to say something; you write because you have something to say.

How true.

Ah, back to my webcast.

A Hare-py New Year?

2011-02-05T02:44:00.007+08:00

Taken by Jones, Bayshore Park / manual zoomburst

He is undoubtedly getting better at it!

Too much has happened over a mere span of 2 weeks. It is 2 in the morning and I fear for the diminishing articulation (or the absolute lack thereof) of my thoughts. However, I shall otherwise make a feeble attempt to stimulate my STM before they lose their footing in my dreams.

Firstly, I don't understand why some people succumb to stereotypical inclinations. I am not going to specifically state my concerns because that will be downright blatant - I'm just very irked by the behaviour of these people. It is akin to labeling others. What is prestige and pride when you fail to respect others? To me, a flinch or a smirk just comes across as blunt pretentiousness.

Secondly, still on the same topic, I've witnessed and interacted with a couple of people who play by hypocrisy recently. I simply observe, remain silent, put two-and-two together and come to my own conclusion. There is a fine line between pretentiousness and hypocrisy but I swear some people just have the whole package. It is honestly quite saddening to see a degradation in character, but it could possibly be a defining yet deceptive quality of that particular person? OK never mind I give up explaining. X is going to assert that I'm sounding overly 'intellectual' again. -_-

Contemplative thoughts aside, I've updated my portfolio with ~20 more photos coupled with a new folder specially for my spunky niece!
I've quite a number of photos to upload, but... Until another day. I'm bushed!

Do check out my friend's song too!

Here's one thing I've learnt from Dr Wu:
What is the rent you must pay for your space upon the Earth? Uplifting service.

Have a happy new year, everyone!

Don't Do This To Me

2011-01-25T23:40:00.006+08:00

I'm feeling so confused right now, I don't know where, or how to begin.

They say the captain goes down with the ship.
So, when the world ends, will God go down with it?

Bite, Or Take The Bullet

2011-01-20T01:11:00.004+08:00

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same

This is not your typical, run-of-the-mill post where I will narrate everything that happened today from A-Z. I won't describe how X lessons/reports/proposals are killing me slowly, or how I had too much fun doing Y with Z.

Given this recent spate of events, I really wonder.

Would I have done the same for my friends?

Sometimes, no, make that most of the time, I'm terribly worn out by pragmatic ideals in a staunchly meritocratic society. Deep down in my heart, I just try so hard to be normal, to be free - it really hurts, but I guess it works. So, why not?

I unknowingly committed a sin during my gambling lecture, until my Prof started a little 'soliloquy' before moving on to Pascal's Wager:

Many of the times you're learning not because you are interested, but because you need to do it. You are here (in the lecture theatre) not because you are interested, but never mind. Of course I try my best to make you interested, but I just feel that some of you are too deeply into this 'exam game' (so) no matter what, you are not interested.

You must find yourself, you know. If you want to play the game of examination, we'll let you play. You will have my solutions. You will have the past exam papers. You will come and ask me questions about which question will appear in exam - you can play the game of exam well but (at) the end of the day, you are still YOU.

So therefore, in the course of learning something, (if) you know something more about you, it will be good. True or not? I mean you can play out the game well, the 'exam game' well, but at the end of the day you lose yourself. It can happen... It can happen.

It's very sad when you can have, in the whole world, all the money and wealth but you just lose yourself - what game is this? Suppose you have all the knowledge in this world but you lose yourself. You are like a computer game - you (know) all kinds of information, data, whatever people ask you, you can answer - but, but - you lose yourself - so what is that game?

What do I mean about 'yourself'? Because, everyone of us, I believe, is born with some special way to think about Mathematics. We are specially talented in a special way.

Guess his words accurately summed up my feelings for the week.

Argh, it's my turn to suffer from gastric pains now.

Would I go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain?

Would I die for you,

Even if I know you will do the same?

Welcome To LKM1401

2011-01-14T23:37:00.003+08:00

To Chesed, Dave, Guan Heng and Yan Yi,

Thank you for making my first week of school (especially today!) so memorable and enjoyable! 2011 in NUS has been amazing thus far. From PGP to Paya Lebar, A2 to BMW and platyhelminthes to nematodes, my invariably torturous journeys were definitely more bearable with you guys. I was extremely touched when we all bit into our Subway sandwiches in the LT very CEREMONIOUSLY, albeit CONSPICUOUSLY.

But I love all of you! We will rock this semester together!
*attempts a heart with all five fingers*

And dear Cheese, get well soon! I know you are reading this. ;)

Oh and did I mention that Erica is in my FMS class! 好友(有)缘分哦!

Just an afterthought: I honestly like Chemistry because it leaves me in deep thought most of the time. Hopefully, JUST hopefully, I can *crosses fingers fervently* work alongside her (identity undisclosed for the moment) and it might possibly be the best thing that could ever happen this year.

NUS Gambling Module

2011-01-10T13:52:00.004+08:00

Yeah, thanks to this quirky NUS module, I'm really learning how to gamble. Wisely.

[EDIT]

Wow, MOE finally replied my email after a couple of eons.

MOSSEL BAY!

[/EDIT]

A Few Inane Quizzes

2011-01-07T05:40:00.003+08:00

*in the heartiest voice*

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!

Ever since my ex-student's mum called me at 3:20am over an urgent matter (hoping that all would eventually come to a good end), I freaking couldn't get back to sleep! So... I have no choice but to sedate myself with really inane friend-quizzes. I need my burst of energy for an important 3-hour shoot later in the evening/night!

Quiz 1: Name 5 friends who last chatted with you on MSN:
Brenda
Daniel
Erica
Pierre-Henri
Simone
1) What is #2 like?
He is my hardworking grandson/godson who never fails to irritate or amuse me!

2) Would #3 and #2 make a couple?
There's a clash in personalities, so I don't think so.

3) What was the nicest thing #1 has said to you?
I honestly don't know, because I can't keep track of all the nice things she has said to me!

4) Have you ever fought with #4?
Pierre-Henri? Reaaally??? Never in my life!

5) Is #5 in any way related to you?
Not by blood, but she is a really awesome friend! :)

6) Would you ever date #1?
Sorry, but I'm not a lesbian, so no!

7) What is the first thing that you'll say the next time you see #3?
"AIR---RICK---KER?! Eh wasssup we meet in the canteen again!" (That is, if we really do!)

8) How long have you known #4?
Since August 2006. That's around four and a half years!

9) What does #1 look like?
Tough question, because she changes her look every now and then! ESPECIALLY HER HAIR.

10) Do you think #1 and #5 would ever become best friends?
Nope.

11) Have your parents met #2?
My dad has; he even fetched him home before! Having said that, DR JONATHAN YOU STILL OWE ME A CAR RIDE. I've seen both his parents before, though.

12) Have you been to #5's house?
Nope, but room in PGP, yes. FOOD! KETTLE CHIPS! INSTANT NOODLES! Shit, I'm digressing!

13) If #3 says "I love you" to you, what would your reaction be?
"你在说什么废话?"

14) If #3 says "I hate you" to you, what would your reaction be?
I won't be surprised, because I know she wouldn't be serious about that!

15) Does #4 chat with you often?
No, because he's a very busy man. :( But we can talk for pretty long if we do!

Quiz 2: Name 5 friends who last texted you on your phone:
Naadhirah
Qi Shan
Brenda
Daniel
Rachel
1) When did #1 text you?
Last night, which was technically 10 hours ago.

2) Do #2 and #5 know each other?
I don't think so.

3) Do you usually text #3?
Sometimes, but we chat more on MSN.

4) What kind of phone does #4 own?
I think he uses an iPhone?

5) Have you ever fought with #3?
No. But I did freak her out once. Or was it twice? Thrice?

6) Why did #2 text you?
To remind me of my upcoming shoot today!

7) When was the last time you met up with #1?
I last saw #1 at 1/1/11!

8) What is #5 like?
She is a bubbly, vivacious girl who puts others before self. :) A very likable person.

9) How many texts has #3 sent you?
Over the span of 5 years? Obviously too many!

10) What is the colour of #2's phone?
I don't know, but I'm guessing... pink? Since most of her stuff are?

11) Is #4 in any way related to you?
I'm his godmother/fairy godmother/Aunt Agony/friend. It seems as though the third one applies to me A LOT.

12) How did you get to know #1?
Through GSYC.

13) What other ways do you use to communicate with #4 besides texting?
MSN, OBVIOUSLY.

14) Does #5 have #3's contacts?
No, I should think not.

15) Is #2 your best friend?
Not a 'best' friend, but she's nice and approachable!

Alright, shall get back to sleep... HOPEFULLY.
I cannot afford to screw up my shoot later.

2011: Pixlr Filters Galore

2011-01-03T02:14:00.009+08:00

The year did not start off well, with the conflicts and anger rolling in unbridled. Alas, 'tis the ebb and flow of our inscrutable temperaments. Early worries aside, here are some amazing filters I've stumbled upon while using Pixlr. I would've loved to desat some photos but the filters are simply too addictive!

Filter: Polaroid

Fireworks were ricocheted into the sky for a good 8 minutes! As usual, I shot frenziedly without a tripod. I still can't believe I adjusted my AEB halfway, though! What a waste of precious time. :(

Filter: Country

A shot before my first 4-hour long GSYC stint for the year. I was itching to try some HDR, and this is the result. It looks as though I did shitloads of dodging to accentuate the outline of the flat, but this is purely due to the HDR effect. Pity the overly cloudy sky though.

Filter: Fresh Blue

My reflection in the lion's forehead with a bunch of amused kids! Apparently, this was taken before lettuce and orange peels were flung at me. My precious lens was stained by the damp vegetables and fruits. :(

Filter: Vintage The 60's

Obviously shot after that menacing period! Everyone huddled around to see what was left on the ground by the lions. I like how the photo is framed nicely, by... legs. The colour tone reminds me of 大世界!

Filter: Sun-aged

A quick snapshot on the way to KTM. Again, I like the subtle framing in this photo. This is admittedly nothing special but it somehow looks like one of Jamie's photos!

Filter: Fogy Blue

It was a spontaneous decision by my dad to visit the Malayan Railway after that 前线追踪 episode. Yes, this is indeed where the fabled goreng pisangs are sold! We crept in by the back gate in the stark of the night. BTW, I didn't know such trains existed in Singapore until I was 17. I fail.

Filter: Polaroid

I'm not sure if cats' eyes shine in the dark, but they do reflect light! How eerie.

Filter: Fogy blue

Nothing special in this shot. Just rows and rows of colourful magazines...

Filter: Polaroid

This was near the entrance of KTM. My family was already outside while I was still trying to manage a decent shot using lights, silhouettes and shadows. It's not the best shot, but I'm contented enough since there were too many people wandering about!

Filter: Normal x-pro

Instead of using a special filter, I x-pro-ed it the normal way because I simply couldn't decide on one! Pretty alright for a 1/10 second shot.

Filter: Mixture

Yet again, another photo which reminds me of Izzy's! This time, I felt that it was fine to break the Rules of Thirds so that the 'weight' of the elements in the photo could be equally balanced. If that sounds too stupid or abstract, don't bother. As for the filter(s), alright, I cheated. It's really a 'mixture' of everything because I have forgotten what I had used! Anyway, BOKEH.

Filter: Jake

After which, we cruised down Orchard in the car. Yes, cruised, damn. Why can't there be traffic jams so that I can take whatever I want freely?

Filter: Fresh Blue

One of the best Christmas trees in Orchard this year - Ion Orchard's!

Filter: Light Amber

A very daring filter which can potentially harm your eyes! This looks like this!

I can't say it was a terribly splendid day, but I've shot what I've been wanting to shoot (SANS ORCHARD) so I shan't complain!

Aaaaand I drove to PP today! :D It is considerably a lofty feat since I've not touched the steering wheel since... October?

Another Grim Reflection

2010-12-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

I noticed that they all start with 'r'.

Realism, retrospection, reminiscence, remembrance, realisation, revival. I do not mean to be philosophical, but it is all in the mind. It is a cycle, it might be vicious, it can be, or not.

I never liked to reflect (it's another 'r') on the past, because unhappy memories just cannot stay still. They are dynamic. A thought leads to another, like how all the rivulets in the brain meet at one confluence, and the confluence is your consciousness. Your superego. Sadly, it never existed for me. At one point of time in the year I was so madly deranged and haggard and jaded. Suicidal inclinations plagued my soul while the very thought of choking myself with pills excited me, very darkly.

A very convoluted story which I cannot divulge.

I am, however, glad that that phase is over, perhaps a little too late. I like to play by a thoughtful facade, because it is the name of the game. I need to constantly remind myself that there are others far worse off than me. I am pampered, I am living, I am blessed.

I initially wanted this post to be a list of all my photography achievements (mainly fashion and photojournalism), but they speak for themselves in my portfolio, so I will leave this tainted canvas as it is. I'd take this chance to thank my models (I am conveniently reminded of Saori the most awesome model I've ever had) for being such patient and accomodating people, though. You guys rock and I hope to cover more shoots in the future!

Anyway, only dickheads create new year resolutions for themselves. I honestly don't get this whole resolution thing. Like seriously, why give yourself (empty) promises at the beginning of the new year when you can start putting your dreams into action now? If you want to lose weight, start exercising more. If you want that scholarship, start studying more. Why excuse yourself and wait for a new year to realise your goals?

It will be 2011 soon.

On Experiential Learning

2010-12-21T09:58:00.001+08:00

There are just so many things I ~~want~~ need to get off my chest.

Results

It's not that I hadn't realised this a long time ago, but now, the true savagery of the LS cohort hit me. Hard. What were seemingly 'A' modules 却 dropped by a few notches. This is yet another point where the bell-curve exploits its merciless reputation, ESPECIALLY SO FOR CRIME FIC. WHY?! For those who are aware of my crappy predicament... I OBTAINED THE SAME GRADE FOR CRIME FIC AND ENGINEERING MATH. Très impossible! Personally, these two subjects are on OPPOSITE POLAR ENDS OF MY INTELLECTUAL CONFIDENCE. It is freakishly amazing how your judgement can blind your perception at times.

On a brighter note, I would like to thank Meridian for bestowing this golden opportunity upon me, truly. Without these 8 months of revision, conferences and teaching, I don't think I would've scored what I have for Chem today. But yet.... I know that I did not unleash my potential to the fullest while tackling the final paper, which, to this day, really irks me to no end.

Physics

Out of the 5 modules that I've taken this semester, I had to learn snippets of Physics in 3 of them. Principle of electroneutrality, capacitance, surface tension, CONSERVATIVE VECTOR FIELDS, SAWTOOTH WAVES, CENTER OF GRAVITY OF A LAMINA, the list is non-exhaustive. I do not have my father's genes for Physics, and certain concepts took a helluva long time to get drilled into my head. My worries were exacerbated when I did my module-choosing for 2011 as a generous handful of the level 2000 GEKs were related to Physics. Having witnessed how the bell-curve manipulates its warped, foul magic, I honestly do not want to take chances by learning something where others clearly have a contextual advantage in. This is clearly evident for engineering math and crime fic. Hence, I am re-contemplating if I should take Econs next year.

Learning

Truth be told, I can't wait to forget the stupid engineering math concepts ingrained in my head so that there will be spare hard-disk for whatever comes my way in the future. If that is the case, would I have wasted 3 months learning it?

So all these really makes me think about learning, or rather, why do we ~~choose to~~ learn in the first place. If we are going to/bent on forgetting whatever we have learnt, then what is the point of learning from the start?

In Your Humble Abode

2010-12-16T21:23:00.003+08:00

10 randomly selected photos to spice up this photo-dry blog:

1-5: PGP

6: Car, rear window

7-10: Home

What a 'humble abode' means to me:

Home!!!
PGP (not so humble when your room rates are inexplicably exorbitant)
DAVE'S ULTRA COSY LIVING ROOM

His Secondhand Serenade

2010-12-01T23:33:00.001+08:00

Finally leaving my hostel for the semester, I nursed a heavy heart as I waited for the lift for the last time. As I walked into the polished glyphs of familiarity, a guy with a classical guitar in hand hastily entered, too. He was fingering a little tune to himself. God, what a showoff, I thought. "Erm... But I'm going down..." I started. "Me too."

Just then, this beautiful stranger serenaded me. No words could describe how I had felt there and then. It was as though the jaded jeopardy that had been plaguing my soul for weeks suddenly... Vanished. I lost myself in his captivating music, in a trance so strange. Something awoke in me.

I wished I could thank this stranger for bringing such tasteful music to the world, to me. I berated myself for the lack of courage to do so.

It's not Romance D'amour, but it's lovely enough.

Screwed Up Semester

2010-11-24T17:39:00.006+08:00

Because I screwed this semester up, I've to pay a heavy price for my incompetency next year.
Because I know that I'm in shit so deep I can't even see my trembling legs, I know what to do now.

Random Biodiversity Pun

2010-11-19T22:39:00.003+08:00

Randomly thought of this as I was revising Biodiversity...

Teacher: Typically, in which subphylum do animals possess a cranium?
Student: In vertebrata!
Teacher: No, the answer is vertebrata.

GET IT???

Incidentally, I dreamt of agnathans (specifically lampreys) leeching on osteichthyes (actinopterygii) the other night. I blame the recently concluded animal practical exam for its sheer vividity. At least I thank God that I wasn't engulfed by a humongous cyclostome or something.

I don't think I'll ever forget the fact that polyplacophorans have freaking radulas. Damn.

Potential For Malfunction

2010-11-15T21:54:00.014+08:00

I went for Math clinic at S16-05-99 today, and...

Me: I don't have a sample question here, but can I just ask... You know potential function?
PRC tutor: Potential function?
Me: Yeah, the ∇f, and ∫ F · dr... So from the vector field, assuming that they are conservative, how do you find the potential function?
PRC tutor: This small f and this large F... Is it the same???
Me: *PAINSTAKINGLY FORCED LAUGHTER* -__________- NEVER MIND

Odontoceti And Mysteceti

2010-11-11T20:27:00.001+08:00

Me: *points to lecture slide on Cetacea* Dave, are you going to put all these in your helpsheet (for the animal practical exam tomorrow)?
Dave: Must right?
Me: Well, I don't know. *devilish grin* I'm asking you!
Dave: Uh... Yeah...
Me: EVERYTHING?
Dave: Yeah... I guess so...
Me: *triumphantly* YOU think they're gonna use whales and dolphins for the practical test?!?!?!
Dave: *daves for a while before we LOAO*

Easy Proving Question (Math)

2010-11-10T17:46:00.002+08:00

S16-05-99 whiteboard

Amazing- I can solve this!

I just had a ball of a time with my friend's TA, a QF major and a Stats major!

"Ohhh~, take MA1100, Fundamentals of Maths!" *whips hair*

LS majors are going to hunt me down and burn my room in a flash of kerosene when I say this, but I really like Chem and Math more than physiology and biodiversity right now.

Oh and the fire alarm blared at 5 in the morning today. I only had 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep, damn it.

A Haul Of Jellyfishes

2010-10-22T22:28:00.005+08:00

A miniscule crab scuttled from his hands to mine. Touching a live crustacean for the first time, I cradled it gingerly. He glanced at me with the very same twinkle in his eye. "Carmen, you wish you had brought your camera along, right." "No, don't tempt me!"

We laughed and left the rocky shore.

I peered at the sinewy pipefishes with much interest... and instantaneously felt the true pang of my cowardice. At last, they're back from the horizon. Pearls of comb jellyfishes lined the seagrass-ridden seine. We stood so close to each other until our faces were almost in contact as we examined the fine segregation of organs in a comb jellyfish intensely. I imagined catfishes and juvenile sprats swimming away from any human stimuli. Thread-like nematocysts that circle around my legs unbeknownst to an unsuspecting me. Walking on echinoderms against the unpredictable ebbs of water and time. There is so much out there. Maybe too much.

But what caught our attention was the red jellyfish. "Hey, there's a red jellyfish!" I exclaimed excitedly. True enough - a red, translucent jellyfish hood pulsated rhythmically in the water. We just stood there in awe as the scyphozoan bobbed on without a care in the world.

This was truly a day of many firsts.

Physics VS Engineering

2010-10-13T19:06:00.004+08:00

Shot in PGP, 101010!

It's a special week, because it signifies new beginnings; the extra motivation for everything and cancelling the psycho slot that's in 3 days time.

Instead of going for the engineers' tutorial, I went for the one tailored for science (physics) students. It was undoubtedly a damn-ass stark contrast. In engineering, I constantly struggled in a stifling environment; a deadly motionless classroom while its silence was occasionally broken by people who attempted to suppress their giggles whenever the TA made an error. One can just imagine himself, without any background in physics, in a class full of scholars-cum-double degree holders-cum-raggers-cum-chemical engineers, not to mention a sincere TA who tries his utmost best to explain in broken english, inscrutable symbols and a heavy PRC accent, to top it all off.

*inhales deeply*

Yessir, no more lessons at engineering even though the weekly bus rides-cum-chats with my teacher are getting less awkward! Z 老师, 请原谅我!

And thus I suddenly found myself sitting beside a friend in a class of physicists. There was minimal ~~torsion~~ tension between the students, and I was thankfully very much at ease. On the whole, the atmosphere was light and jovial. Had I made this decision 8 weeks ago, I would not be suffering as much in math as before.

Maybe this was what ought to be civilisation.

***

PS: I cried during my Chinese Literature lecture this afternoon. Never have I felt that uncontrollably emotional over 鍘美案! It was really breathtaking with various moral values inherently embedded between the lines. I'm in rapt! (You're smirking right now Brenda/Erica aren't you.)

Chemistry For Chemistry

2010-10-11T20:27:00.009+08:00

Chem mid-term results are back. Like DAMNNN WHY IS IT ONLY 20%?!?!?!
(That's not my score -- it's the weightage for my overall module grade)

Feeling immensely satisfied, because my hard work has paid off. Thou shalt offset thy wanton Math results. Directional derivatives and velocity fields are the last things I want to see, now.

DEAR AMAZING STUDENTS OF MINE FOR 8 MONTHS, I AM GOING TO PASS PART OF MY EQUALLY AMAZING LUCK TO YOU. 'Part', because I need to reserve some for my dying mathematical capabilities!! :(

ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR 'A' LEVELS!!!

I Hate Mathematics I

2010-09-30T18:17:00.001+08:00

Those're EXACTLY what I'm learning now, except that this is no nightmare. It's called reality.

An Unforgettable Night

2010-09-26T21:11:00.011+08:00

there's much to be said about the glistening rivulets of tears on a girl's face as she wept in a car that whizzed down the expressway at 120. don't speed don't speed don't speed, she thought bitterly. i hope that's parallax error on my part and the speedometer's being a bitch today

but she kept everything to herself. no, she wouldn't tell- she simply- couldn't. would they whisk her away to an asylum? strap her to a lie detector and make her spell her name and life in black and white? tell her she's not a goner, but she actually is? the tears had successfully paralyzed her heart. Reality called- it wants its sanity back, they would say.

there's much to be said about sleeping pills, the best way to die, and a counselor's appointment on thursday

she gripped the seat until her knuckles were a ghastly white. the car sped on. the future is out to consume her. to take over her life. to take over their lives. what had happened before, she did not know, and she did not care.

The Interes-ting T(h)ings

2010-09-15T19:37:00.012+08:00

Nostalgia is a funny thing. Once unveiled at the right moment, it enraptures. The wee hours of the morning saw me pouring over crusted memories in a forgotten backlog. As I was blithely consuming the renmants of my 950^th photo, the thought of tomorrow (and a slew of other unforgiving tomorrows) jolted me awake. It was then, I realised, that there is no definite correlation between reality and nostalgia.

They say I worry too much.

I have so much to blog about, I really do. My head wants to say everything that's buried deep within the crevices of my heart. Like about how I burnt myself with concentrated hydrochloric acid and exhausted a copious amount of burn cream. How you can write almost zilch in a 12-page report and 2-page reports are simply not enough. How I 'cheated' for my first test with a friend and attained full marks. How I was entrenched in a supposed lawsuit and to this day, it never left my sanity alone. How Miss Ewe coined a new nickname "Miss Chemistry Queen" for me and the next day, I wept for almost an hour in front my Chemistry lecturer. How someone who seemed deceptively cold showed unconditional concern for me today, and I was extremely touched because receiving concern from any one was new to me. How I finally joined the EXCO of my dreams, only to resign after reality wrapped me around her little finger. How I carefully posited that I am not a scholar to my friends, because my cowardice ruled all. How my sincere Math TA GMH twice in a day even though he pronounces 'height' as 'hate' and 'trigo' as 'triangle'. How someone asked if I loved him, while I unblinkingly replied "Love does not exist in my dictionary." How there are so many other scarily interesting things I want to say here right now, but they have inadvertently slipped my mind. ~~Or perhaps they aren't meant for everyone to see.~~

Maybe another time.

They say I worry too much, but only I know the truth.

Unfortunately Fourier

2010-09-06T00:06:00.005+08:00

I want to give up.

I just sat there, dazedly watching the printer churning notes after notes. How much have I assimilated? Nothing. Zilch. My life is in shambles. And so I continued staring at the hiccuping printer, while Don't Stop Believing was on replay.

What's there to believe in? An express ticket to the asylum?

How painfully ironic.

Teachers' Day 2010

2010-09-01T20:20:00.003+08:00

Prince George's Park, 01(+)09(=)10

"Come in."

Peering in with bloodshot eyes, I entered apprehensively. The walls were adorned with thank-you-notes (there was a really prominent smiley face as big as my palm on one), to-do-lists, little snippets of formulae and a periodic table. A neon green lava lamp emanated an eerie luminescence in a corner. A delicate Shrek conical flask caught my eye as she motioned me to sit.

This is the office of Dr Emelyn Tan.

Despite her packed schedule, she still allocated some time for our Physics consultation unquestioningly. Behind her cool demeanour, she was patient, objective, effective. THANK YOU DR TAN, for I would not have grasped those Physics concepts alone!

(it was really horrible as the tears kept flowing and flowing and flowing i hid and shied away from the rest of civilisation)

PS: Thanks to all those who knew that I was such a sad nutcase today. At least you now know that I've got an iffy pixie in my head.

I have been a bad, bad teacher. Recently, I sent my students a 2,000+ word email, where a portion on it comprised discouraging them from getting hooked to the ensnarements of social media. Little did I know that I, myself, have failed as a role model, since I am largely an advocate of Twitter and Facebook. Students, for your sake (and mine), I have deactivated both accounts (at least until the end of this year)! We will go through thick and thin! We will brave the most tumultuous storms! We will survive!

For you, yes. For me, hopefully...

As the green and white bristles swept across my molars, I looked into the mirror. To my apparent horror, there was a monster staring back at me. I twitched an eye, and the monster followed suit.

Is this me?

TSPC 2010 @ Suntec

2010-08-12T23:36:00.065+08:00

Dear students,

When the world gives up, Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

Miss Lam *ahemz glances sideways at DOCTOR Tay with shifty eyes* believes in everyone, regardless of whether you have copied the carbonyl notes 23 times (or was it 25?), malingered (to say it simply, pontang lessons), debated about Z_eff and the quantum staircase, or you used to be in my class.

These 8 months have truly been a valuable, eye-opening experience for me. You learn what I teach; I learn how to teach. In difficult times like this, it is integral not to give up now. If Hope whispers "Try it one more time", Determination says "Try it many times over until you get it good in your head."

It is not the time to expand your bank of knowledge, but to fortify your recesses of understanding. There is not enough time, even though God gives us all 24 hours. After my lessons cease, do continue to make the effort to wake up early on Saturdays. Email, phone, text me. Seek your tutors for consultations. Do not falter, do not cry. Do not stop until you try. For now, temporary sacrifices might mean nothing to you, but on Results Day, what you will see is scarily true.

You reap what you sow.

Additionally, I am thankful to the Chem department for bestowing upon me such an amazing opportunity. Thank you for Astons, BAKERZIN OMG EVERYONE PLEASE TRY THEIR RASPBERRY PANNA COTTA, KFC, Lau Pa Sat OMG PLEASE TRY THEIR STINGRAY TOO, Ya Kun, 1am meetings, a smile from Elvin Ng(!!!), invitation to the Chem penthouse party (although I didn't go because of *points up*) and markers, markers, and more markers!

... As well as my fellow colleagues!

Miss Wong, you're the best friend/colleague anyone could have - so reminiscent of the days where we painstakingly crafted notes in the form of comics, tables and whatnots! Mere words just cannot express my gratitude to you. Through thick and thin, we survived the 8-month ordeal with no regrets. I look forward to raiding Nanyang Supermarket and the kichenette with you in PGP!

Miss Lim and Miss Ewe, the ditzy couple with a penchant for INEXPLICABLY WEIRD 美人 POSES IN CLASS. I absolutely love their students as well - the conscientious gang in Miss Lim's 2nd class and Miss Ewe's, erm, entertaining students! I WILL NEVER LOOK AT D***** *** THE SAME WAY AGAIN.

DR Tay, you and your hilarious driving escapades coupled with hopeless projector woes! THE MAN WITH HUMILITY who POSSIBLY exerts his pre-eminence and professionalism never fails to brighten up my breaks! And I will not be your ECP-TPE-ECP-AYE chauffeur! *C-handsign* back to NUS! *evil cackle*

OK, back to Hound of the Baskervilles.

Hiatus.

Rapunzel's Demise

2010-08-07T22:01:00.003+08:00

We had a little rendezvous today. No, make that two.

Maybe you don't know this, but I like you.

It was a queer day. God knows why I was thinking of Rapunzel (the girl) after class. I was just sitting there in my chair, with that perpetual glazed expression in my eyes whilst twiddling my thumbs. Maybe I was waiting. Maybe I wasn't. But I know this feeling is transitory, just like the crisp foliage outside my windows.

Except that there isn't a happy ending for this one.

(The coincidental thing was- I marked a cloze passage in the afternoon and it was about Rapunzel too! ESP PLZ)

OH MY LOVELY JC 2 STUDENTS HAHAHA thanks for the lovely comments on my exhibition photos! You guys totally made my day! Ehhh I ONLY look like that at home (oh gosh exactly how many people have seen the photo of me?! *blushes deeply*), but obviously in school I prefer sticking to my pseudo-geek look. :)

OK, back to Rue Morgue.

Advertising For Driving

2010-07-28T15:39:00.000+08:00

I promised him that I'll advertise his services on my blog, so...

Looking for a decent driving instructor?

Want to pass on your 1st attempt?

Email/PM/text me for my instructor's number!

Initially, I was a GONER for driving. I had 15 lessons with my previous instructor who condemned me as if I was his enemy in his past life. However, this instructor changed my life irrevocably (in a good way of course!) and... OH MY GOD I PASSED on my 1st attempt - which seemed like such a formidable feat before!

(OK Mr Tan I hope you're happy with the advertising now!)

As for those who have yet to go for your TP test / rebooked, DON'T GIVE UP. It's definitely not easy and a hefty investment of time and money is involved.

Also, thank you Miss Ewe and Dr Yusoff for the very encouraging words! ALL THE BEST TO YOU GUYS AS WELL!

As Bee As A Busy

2010-07-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

MOE + NUS = A terribly busy life fraught with uncertainties and astonishments!

College Day yesterday wasn't as exciting as I envisioned it would be because I WAS TOO BUSY OR BORED at the wrong timing. At one moment I was hastily stuffing my face with a slightly charred bun (it's called breakfast) in front of my students, and feigning sleep in another.

The highlight of the day, surprisingly, wasn't seeing all my friends dressed to the nines, or shaking hands with the VP on stage, or thumbing my silver medal flanked by momentary fidgets. Rather, it was the nondescript, gray period in the midst of everything else where I supposedly 'went up to help Daniel with the projector'.

The question that got me contemplating was: What sparked off that idealism in the first place?

Hmmmmm.

[EDIT]

OMGGGGG MY STUDENTS ARE TEH BEST I AM SO GOING TO MISS THEM LIKE CRAZY OH MY HOLY COW I DON'T WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE I WANT TO TEACH MY CLASS FOREVER! >:'(

I never fail to flinch when I see what they write / hear what they say about me though. Flinch out of... UHHH... HAPPINESS?!

[/EDIT]

Goodbye World

2010-07-12T21:51:00.002+08:00

Mission accomplished. My life is done with irrationally.

Till then.

Scent Of Adolescence

2010-07-10T00:28:00.009+08:00

A little excerpt from my tumblr:

I saw it in his eyes today. It was hunger - mildly intoxicated coupled with a slurred aftertaste of flawed amphetamine. Concern shook me awake. “Al… are you on drugs?” He paid little attention while mumbling verbal barbs under his breath. “Al! Hey! Tell me, did you take drugs or something?!”

Then he turned to look at me. That glazed expression… that diminishing nonchalance… scary yet intriguing. Realising the latest development, he

[EDIT]

Mum: "If you carry on with him, he will kill you."

She meant it in the literal sense.

Don't ask me anything. My mind's in an obfuscating whirl. I need to think this over carefully. Strategy time.

[/EDIT]

Me, The Driving Hazard

2010-07-07T21:52:00.006+08:00

250610, 9:23 AM. Second flood in Singapore, Sims Avenue.

Broke my 1st instructor's rear mirror on my 2nd lesson.
After more than a dozen lessons, I changed my instructor.
Almost collided into another car while overtaking on the 1st lesson.
Quit shortly after that, took a short hiatus from driving.
Was reprimanded by my 3rd instructor yesterday for turning the ignition while the engine was still running. Which basically equated to the possibility of a full-blown explosion and hitting the frontpage headlines.

Best: I have not gone for a single circuit training. Yet.

Will I ever learn.

Abhorrence, But Tolerance

2010-07-05T12:52:00.002+08:00

Superbly annoyed with and by:

Soccer poseurs. Equate that to disinterested hypocrites who really have no idea what's going on from 11 Jun - Jul and still announce to the whole world that they are so terribly 'well-versed' in soccer but are actually not. Sad.
People who bow down to peer pressure too often. Everyone is unique, because we are bea-you-tiful. Then again, such subservient minions fail to see the simplicity of this. Heterogeneity is lost as a result. Sad.
Inconsiderate drivers. Kiss kiss, bang bang. You park at illegal spots, I kiss your side mirrors, I bang into you. Ker-rash. Sad.
People who think they are so awesome but in actual fact, they're not. Hello, downfall of society. 'Nuff said.

I think I might getting a little too addicted to this

myaugustsky tumblr.

2010-07-03T16:41:00.001+08:00

Jumping on the Tumblr bandwagon!

http://myaugustsky.tumblr.com

I'll still be posting in Blogger infrequently.

President's Challenge 2010

2010-06-28T14:48:00.001+08:00

Was nothing short of amazing.

Thank you Mumtaz and Kenneth for giving me the opportunity to partake in this event, photogers Chris and Jun Yong, as well as the other YEC members who affirmed our roaring success! I have honestly never felt this busy and breathless for months!

You won't fully appreciate this guy's talents until you meet him in person. His unfaltering level of enthusiasm and energy is simply laudable. To top it all off, he is effectively bilingual as well. What's there not to like about Pornsak's sprightliness and intelligence?

2 major photog events down; looking forward to the Lo-fi exhibition!
Note to self: Complete write-up!!!

Teacher, What's In Tuition

2010-06-18T19:39:00.100+08:00

Tuition soundbites, in chronological order.
Favourites are bolded!

Me: Some sources of heat energy are the sun, oven... Can you name me 3 other examples?
3rd tutee: Oh I know! Lamp, fire, oven...
Me: I said 'oven' already!
2nd tutee: Teacher atomic bomb can?
Me: -_- ... Why can't you say more normal things like 'torchlight'?! -_-

Me: So the oxygen we breathe travels from the nose, to the windpipe, to the lungs. *points to diagram in textbook* Do you know what are these?
2nd and 3rd tutee (chorused): Air sacs~
Me: OK! Good! They are also called 'alveoli'.
3rd tutee: Teacher why do they look like grapes?
Me: -_- OK I also taught of that when I was learning this chapter...

Me: OK, start doing your cells quiz now.
3rd tutee: Teacher, your (drawing of a) cell is so cute!
Me: Oh really? Hahahaha I used Microsoft Paint! I drew it myself OK!
3rd tutee: Yeah! It looks like an orange!
Me: -_- ... ORANGE?!

Question: 2, 0, 4, 7. Using these numbers, form the smallest possible 4-digit odd number.

Me: Do you know what is an odd number?
3rd tutee: Yeah. It's weird.
Me: -_- O... K...

Me: Take note that a number, any number, cannot start with zero.
2nd tutee: Then how come you can say 0000 (24-hour clock) which also means midnight?
Me: ERRR... -_-

3rd tutee: Teacher how do you pronounce this name?
Me: *looks... AND GULPS* OK, this is... You say... Leeeeeonnn. *is reminded of my 'lawsuit'*
3rd tutee: Teacher you sound like you don't like him.
Me: HAHAHAHA

Me: This is wrong. 'Lion' should be under 'Omnivores', not 'Carnivores'.
4th tutee: Lions eat plants meh?
Me: Yes! Did you know that lions also eat grass? When lions have stomachaches because they eat too much meat, they eat grass!
4th tutee: Teacher also can be wrong sometimes.
Me: Hey, I read this before in a book OK! When I was very young. Like... 5 years old.
4th tutee: Book also can be wrong sometimes.
Me: -_-

Me: *insert name here*, I don't understand what you're saying.
5th tutee: *continues spouting gibberish and throwing tantrums*
Me: Can't you just say a proper sentence?
5th tutee: *continues hurling verbal barbs*
Me: AND stop clipping your hair! Goodness. It's nice enough already.
5th tutee: *tirade ceases* ... I love my hair.
Me: -_- *stunned*

3rd tutee: Teacher, are spiders insects? My friend said they are spiders!
Me: No! Spiders are not insects. They have 8 legs. They are arachnids. A-r-a-c-h-n-i-d-s.
2nd tutee: How about a queen bee with 8 legs and 4 wings?
Me: -_- (why such a bizarre example?)

2nd tutee: Teacher what's in a blood vessel?
Me: ... BLOOD???
2nd tutee: What's in blood??
Me: ... PLASMA???
2nd tutee: What's in plasma???
Me: ... I thought I taught you this before? Dissolved oxygen, digested food, water, carbon dioxide, waste materials...
2nd tutee: What's in oxygen?
Me: *here we go again* ATOMS???
2nd tutee: What's in atoms????
Me: Electrons, neutrons, protons... SO are you going to keep asking me what's in electrons?
2nd tutee: Yeah, we'll keep asking you until you say quarks (something I taught them earlier). *innocent smile*
Me: -_-

There are more, but thanks to my failing memory, your apparent boredom and dear Chemistry calling out for me, I shall stop here...

Miss Miscommunication

2010-06-10T10:44:00.006+08:00

Tears of disappointment make you sad, tears of anger sting real bad.

I just want to sleep the day away and never wake up, so that I don't have to see the mess the world has created with a fleeting faith in my heart

My life has officially been shortened by 5 years.

[EDIT]

On a slightly happier note, I have the Lo-Fi exhibition to look forward to!

Xpro-ing my photos never felt more fun.

[/EDIT]

Haemo- and Trypanophobic

2010-06-08T18:05:00.009+08:00

This post is dedicated to answering all the lamest questions posed to me. So, PLEASE DON'T ASK ME ANYMORE/FURTHER.

What in the name of Tom Cruise's flying fox is GFP?!
GFP, is an evil thing. A very, very evil thing. It is worse than all the bio-hazard warfare and Osama wannabes combined. Oh, trust me on this one. I'm a living testimony of its harm.

I heard that you clinched a scholarship. So, what is it?
Yes, I have received the acceptance letter and email, gave a positive reply, but have not gone about signing the relevant contracts with the scholarship body. So, I'd prefer to stay quiet on this one.

That's not helping, you know. You haven't really answered any of my questions.
I know. Haha. Suit yourself.

Oh whatever. So. Hall or Residences?

Does this answer your question? Well, I mean, since I don't have to fork out a single cent...

Anyway, how's your medical checkup at Raffles Hospital today?
HO BOY. The whole procedure, including waiting (which literally consumed most of my time) sapped 3.5 hours of my lifespan. Anyway, this is a scholarship-cum-NUS checkup, so your medical examinations may vary.

In chronological order:

Registration - snaking long queue at 10:15!
WAITED
Height and weight - 1.5 cm taller! ... And 1.5 kg heavier?! :'(
Eyesight test - like those typically done in optical shops
Colour-blind test -red and green, duh
Urine test - FIRST TIME! I overfilled the bottle... (TMI)
X-ray - FIRST TIME! I could feel some tingling sensation in certain parts of my body...
Deliver X-ray report to the radiology department
WAITED
WAITED
To the doc's - Blood pressure, abdomen and... *censored* examination. I tried my darnedest not to laugh as the doc poked and pressed... Parts of my body...
BLOOD TEST - FIRST TIME! I SURVIVED! *revels in this fact* Even people with haemophobia and trypanophobia can actually survive this ordeal! My arm still hurts, though.

Good for you! ... URK WAIT. BLOOD TEST?!
You got that right.

Stranger Than Fiction

2010-06-02T10:15:00.002+08:00

020610 1950 home balcony

Last week, I read The Tenth Circle.

Within the same week, I was raped in the dark.

This week, I read My Sister's Keeper.

I am currently entrenched in a supposed lawsuit.

If I were to read Vanishing Acts, would I disappear from the face of Earth forever?

I want to be invisible, for once, so that my tears can evaporate and become little clouds that fog my mind.

Bedok And Its Perks

2010-05-25T13:35:00.010+08:00

Circa 2nd week of May, leaning against the car door armed with my DSLR ready to consume Bokeh

I love Bedok.

Convenient (or in Lalahong's dictionary, 'travellable'). Glorious food. Fantastic library. GFP job. Inspiring colleagues.

Today I chatted with Lalahong for 45 minutes(!) at my favourite lunchtime haunt and earned $5.25 in the process.

I think life is pretty good at the moment; I daren't ask for more, for fear that Lucifer will slink away from the depths of hell and freeze my soul

Listening to songs by Yiruma isn't helping, either.

Xtra Xtreme Xhaustion

2010-05-23T20:01:00.005+08:00

Yesterday's sunset and bedsheets

When I blog infrequently, it's not because I do not possess the luxury of time to or I have nothing vaguely interesting to post. The truth is, my life is mired by too many events and activities alike, I honestly have no idea where to start.

All I need is a shoulder to cry on.

It's all about exhaustion and suicidal inclinations.

Many a time, I wax lyrical and daydream about strawberry mascara and lemon honeystars. Logic is trash and hurt is awake.

This is why I'm fat, stupid and ugly.

How about a happier blog post some other day?

I'm A Scholar. But So?

2010-05-18T22:55:00.004+08:00

mumtazy : ) says (10:46 PM):
i actually think you found your answer, you're just afraid to come to the conclusion
hmm...correct me if im wrong?

As my parents quarreled and bickered like fuck in the living room I am all holed up and hunched in one corner of my bed as a curtain of hair splayed across my tear-stained face, shielding it from what seemed like reality

Is this my comeuppance?

...

Today, I realised what could potentially be the most heartbreaking thing on earth.

It's not crying openly because you are sad, but plastering that painful smile on your face to show everyone you're OK.

Better Than Bieber

2010-05-16T14:34:00.006+08:00

Oh please, this guy is better than Justin ~~Beaver~~ Bieber- I've been watching him since last year!

As usual, I'm swamped with photog assignments- events and photoshoots alike. :)

Next stop:

'Fall' Leaf Clover

2010-05-11T11:13:00.010+08:00

After 清明. A wilted clover from Sime Road.

Unceasingly checking my Gmail for the 50982th time with the very same hope and despair.

Idiot.

[EDIT]

HEYHEY MAYPOLE MUMTAZ AND WANTON BRENDA IF YOU ARE READING THIS, #you fail and #iwin!!!!! PFFFFFFFT.

On another note, ◕‿◕ I ♥ YOU GUYS X ∞ #OKYOUALLWINIFAIL

[/EDIT]

Snip Goes The Heart

2010-05-02T17:50:00.003+08:00

I miss the fringeless days!

Before I prep for Wed, I'm inspired by my I-aspire-to-own-a-5D-one-day cousin to morph this post into a bokeh dump:

Little bamboo plant shot at home

Bokeh can (still) be pretty without a focus.

Balcony Lights

One of the first few shots I ever took with my DSLR!

Mum at Shine Korea Supermarket

Initially I just wanted a normal photo but I realised Mum looks slimmer in bokeh... Hehe.

Chandeliers in my cousin's house

Play with the depth of field. Nobody's stopping you.

Incidentally, this was taken using my handphone camera, so I had absolutely no control over the aperture.

Luminaries at Singapore Post Office

Alright. I cheated on this one. I tweaked the colour balance and added some words. Still, you get the drift. Bokeh can have a focus!

Vroom vroom, Daddy's car

Bokeh gets you guessing- it's an odometer!

I like the alternating dots of white and grey!

Vroom vroom, Nicoll Highway

This one's also pretty obvious.

I have loads more but they seem to be playing hide-and-seek with me...

If I do have the luxury of time, I shall play with filters and love the world a little more.

Anyway. Tomorrow's gonna be extra hectic! I reiterate 'extra'.

My students are the most adorable, really.

GFP TTM GFP TTM GFP TTM

2010-04-29T09:42:00.004+08:00

Self-explanatory title.

As I entered the office, I thought, SCHOLARSHIP TIMEEE

That's GFP for you.

And you know what follows- no realisation, no guilt, not after lunch.

The U-Turn(s) In Life

2010-04-25T13:58:00.002+08:00

Second thoughts.

May Day is approaching. Soon, I will be exonerated from the endless slew of events, lessons and tests, albeit ephemerally. Was I even this busy during my college days?
Mum said I look mighty haggard. I need to take care of myself- I don't need appendicitis to come knocking on my door now.

Miss Pharmacist if you're reading this (I know you are!), your photos from the photoshoot'll have to wait. :( My photo backlog is jammed full of pics and UHHHHH YES, ELVIN NG SMILED AT ME. :D

I love driving. It's terribly fun. ~~Except for the fact that I am not allowed to go beyond 40km/h DO*h*(@Wu921!dqdjW.~~

Now back to my SRP monitoring forms. :{

Talking To The World

2010-04-22T10:49:00.003+08:00

Dear World,

Why I even chose to take up 3 jobs in the first place, is completely beyond me. Now I am suffering from mild depression, insomnia and possibly appendicitis. My eyes are lined with rheum, longing for a good sleep which I guess I have not had since the beginning of the year.

My home has morphed into a Math Madhouse. Yeah, you bet. My main weekday job requires me to immerse myself in Math, Math, Math from 9 to 6. Upon returning home, my father staunchly believes that he is The ~~Mad~~ Math Hatter and throws me with more Math questions to solve.

I still have my photoshoots, driving lessons, SRP classes, home tuition, university applications, scholarship blues, and lastly, shitloads of studying to do. My abdomen is in pain for the 69271th time, again. I can't die now.

Dear World, will you be my Aunt Agony and tell me what to do from here?

Suddenly I feel very, very tired.

I Know What Love Is II

2010-04-19T21:12:00.004+08:00

Take me back to the year where girls donned oversized green pinafores and ripped belts.
Where English lessons typically promised hours of mind-numbing insipidity.
Where the world was yet too innocent to be kind enough to angels.

4 years ago, I was merely another schoolgirl, lightheartedly thumbing through the pages of my Asian Geography mag. And... I was ready to put it down until I saw this photograph:

This famous photo won Kevin Carter, a photojournalist the Pulitzer Prize in 1994. After reading the mini-story behind the photo, I'm sure many would feel sorry and sympathetic towards the child. Likewise, this picture really struck a chord in my heart. However, my thoughts were consumed by something more unfathomable- why didn't the photographer help the child? Apparently, it was (allegedly) reported that Carter 'snapped the haunting photograph' and 'waited about 20 minutes' before chasing the vulture away.

Shouldn't it hit anyone instinctively that, in this scenario, help was integral and it had to be placed above anything else? Even if his job was on the line, wasn't it evident that a life was at stake?

Angela Schreiber, May 2002- The stunning effect of this photo is NOT the vulture, waiting for the death of this starving Negro child. The stunning effect is that the testifying human being who could have helped by leaving apparatuses aside and lifting the child on his arms to carry it where it could have been fed, that this testifying human being turned away and was satisfied having got the photo! God stayed with the child, in the shape of a vulture. Devil smiled and went away in the shape of a photographer. The prizewinner is by this a failing heart. The price is worthless without the living testimony of love.

And that was how I got entrenched in photography. To embrace an art so beautiful to the eyes, heart and soul just by looking at this one photo in a magazine.

I want to be a photographer who makes you think.

I Know What Love Is I

2010-04-18T23:14:00.007+08:00

Love you guys.

The two most memorable moments from the gathering:

MR MAX NOW KNOWS WHAT 'GFP' STANDS FOR OMG THIS IS SO INCREDIBLE, IT'S VIRAL.
I made Mr Max laugh. Like, literally LAUGH. This is a FIRST.

Instead of preparing my scholarship apps, I did my brother's homework (ONLY THIS ONCE, SO DON'T SUE)! ROAR.

Since I haven't drawn in AGES, I already felt like DYING after drawing just one column!

Hard at work filling up the other columns

This is the only decent chinese character among the rest, because it's the first one that I drew!

Armed without a compass! Attempting to draw a perfect circle! *pulls hair out*

It's supposed to be a smiley-cum-peace sign! I ~~am so darn creative, all thanks to my inspiration!~~ was sick of drawing. The end.

DONE LIKE FINALLY.

Alright, back to where I'm supposed to be- scanning and posting documents.

PHOTOSHOOTS : UP-AND-COMING = GAIETY AND OH THE FERVOUR !

Fashion Season @ Orchard

2010-04-12T01:18:00.017+08:00

'Twas a PHOTOG DAY.

Initially I was wondering if the J1s are still in school during Camp Exposure; I was strolling to ~~my turf~~ E1-1 until I heard "PHOTOG! ... PHOTOG! ... PHOTOG!" :D Words simply cannot describe how heartening it was just to hear those beautifully enunciated syllables...

Thermochem SRP, followed by the chronicles of MISS LAM and her 叛逆者s! What can I say, really, besides it being the Epitome of Epic. AND IN MY UNFORGIVING CARELESSNESS AND HASTE I DROPPED MY DSLR. ... *silence* ... *a cool breeze* ... But nothing happened. It was a totally heart-stopping moment OMG but thank God the 500D's hardy enough!

While I was making my way home, I spotted my cat from afar and t'was another (half-)hour of photography.

A Cat's Tale

As soon as I had cleared 42347409174 photos on my SD, I rushed off for my very first fashion runway shoot at FSO. At freaking 6 PM, there was already a bevy of avid photographers in front of Paragon, affixing their huge-ass ~~machines~~ cameras on tripods, monopods, and the like. I looked at them. I looked at my camera. Kit. I looked back at them. I'm the ultimate doofus, I flinched silently.

OH AND GAZ WHO I SAW AT FSO - ONE OF MY FAVOURITE TEACHERS AT MJ HAHAHA I SO TOTALLY DID NOT KNOW HE WAS THE KIND WHO ACTUALLY APPRECIATES FASHION SURREPTITIOUSLY. (I contemplated if I should go up to him and say 'hi' but it would be plain weird 'cos his friend was with him yes?)

The 10 of us (lucky photographers invited by Canon) were escorted to the RESTRICTED (I'll gripe about that later I SWEAR) area and it was amazingly spacious- we could literally roam around everywhere freely! Making new friends along the way as well, I realised that I was the only ~~doofus~~ one with only one 18-55 while the others were well-armed with their 70-200s. It was admittedly unnerving as a sudden, acute jolt of inferiority slapped me. Will I be left out? Will my photos turn out shitty? Should I have given up my place for someone more deserving than me?

My new friend, Jamie, an angel really, reassured me that photography does not solely encapsulate the ownership of sophisticated cameras and lenses or the monetary capacity to purchase such equipment. Rather, it is about viewing the world from a different perspective, using a different eye. The beauty of photography does not necessarily have to be seen. Its essence can be felt, appreciated, and experimented with. Such words were seemingly dripping with irony since she came prepared with two L lens under her belt, but oh, they were so tried and true. Jamie you're the best.

We were presumably informed that the show would be from 7 to 10 BUT it really was just from 8 to 9! We had our bouts of false hope as the lights dimmed periodically coupled with the erratic soundtrack changes. Well... We were just swatting flies and chatting about life as we waited.

The real funk boomzed at approximately 8:10.

NUYOU and FEMALE Catwalk Collection 2010

Besides the fact that my head got banged by 某某人s' DSLRs and humongous external flash units repeatedly, my photos turned out pretty alright, albeit far from sheer artistry. OH YES ABOUT THE RESTRICTED AREA- IT WAS LITERALLY RESTRICTED! I was somewhat fed up with all the photogers swarming directly below the stage. Thus, I ventured out of the restricted area and squeezed with the rest of the crowd. I must say a different angle and viewpoint seriously solved the limitations of using a short lens.

Most of the time I was leeching on others' flash and 'tsk'-ing photogers who got on my toes recurrently but other than that I honestly love my super-light entry-level body and kit. :B

Photo-credit: Chin Kiat

AAAND even after having Macs with my new friends Jamie Yong Jie Chin Kiat and Shin, I continued to shoot bokeh at SingPost instead of heading for home (which was what I've been intending to do all week)! HAHAHA TOTALLY PHOTOG TTM.

I have only one thing left to say...

FSO, Here I Freaking Come

2010-04-08T18:53:00.005+08:00

OH MY GOD.
OH. MY. GOD.

I AM TOTALLY !2r92(@t3etQ(HH)(#WrhW(@ EXCITED.
AND THAT IS SUCH A BLOODY UNDERSTATEMENT OMG OMG OMGGG

OH MY GOD THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I AM SO DELIRIOUSLY ELATED YES I AM.

THANK YOU CANON I WILL BE YOUR FAN FOREVER AND A DAY.

KB, don't despair, we still have our own fashion shoot COMING. RIGHT. UP.

PSC, FTT, CANON, ME

2010-04-08T00:43:00.001+08:00

Taken in MJ- it rained before I could shoot the sakura blooms!

When transient euphoria blurs the line between reality and dream.
When you have confidence in the wrong aspects of your life.
That's when you choose to believe in schizophrenia.

I think I have written a great essay.
But, as they say- once bitten, twice shy.

I will not be hopeful anymore.

Rockstar Fever

2010-03-31T23:53:00.011+08:00

( i prefer the L lens though )

Despite my vomit-inducing schedule, I have this incessant itch to blog about the best shit in life.

I'm totally clueless as to why I felt this way when I returned to MJ today. It was simply... Glorious, rejuvenating, soulful, happy. Such joy never found its way to my weary heart on Saturdays. Ah, Wednesdays. CCA days. Canoeing hunks flaunting their humongous biceps; ODAC and rockclimbers traipsing the school compound, calling it their own; of course, there were hardcore muggers who would hole themselves up in tiny sanctuaries and... Mug.

Basically, the spirit's in the air, and I loved it.

I LOVE PHOTOG.

I LOVE PHOTOG.

Am deliriously glad I stayed for the sharing session. :D Oh heck my bandaged foot already.
L LENS FTW.

TYKB, I've always longed for a shot of me + a DSLR + my walkway photos (although this shot absolutely did no justice to the quality of my framed dears)! The best thing was, this photo was taken USING AN L LENS. You may salivate now.

Am also totally not used to people addressing me as Miss Lam. Sorry student for not responding to your "Miss Lam!!!" x 3 in the bus! :(

All in all, today was a splendid day. Real awesome.
I still can imagine Miss Koh's classic expression when I told her what my current job(s) are!

Mystery M, are you too busy to even look at me? And talk? "Eh! Kar Mun,"?

Locomotives And Bunnies

2010-03-29T15:09:00.000+08:00

Busy, shitloads of rubbish to do.

I have not studied Chem, Bio and FTT / written my essay(s) / created the test / done the Math hierachy / STARTED ON GEOMETRY / marked my students' homework / seen a sinseh / tidied my room / experimented with easyCAP and Creative Serif Suite / edited the Science video + script / filled in Form P for NUS / booked a medical appointment with UHC / slept well for the past few months / planned my time effectively + a million and one whatevers. Basically, I don't expect myself to remember everything that I ~~want~~ need to do.

What am I doing here.
Semi-hiatus again.

Indpndnce And Hdnsm

2010-03-26T23:49:00.006+08:00

Today, I visited the secret garden. I wish its existence is merely a surreal fragment of my afterlife, but I kid you not.

4 years ago, the secret garden was a new respite from this ugly, demented world.
2 years ago, the secret garden embraced my loneliness.
Today, the secret garden saw me grow as a human.

And the secret garden just confirmed that the little tune that I had been composing for 3 years was wrong. Utterly, seriously, gravely WRONG.

Thus, it enlightened me-

Why are we perpetually emulating others, when we can become our own Beethovens and Chopins?

I wonder if the violin is answering me.

It’s a really sad and incontrovertible fact that we live in our little microcosm of materialism and hedonism without much rationality.

Doesn't it get on your nerves when people don't practice what they preach?
Life's just ironic that way.

We Dance In The Water

2010-03-22T02:03:00.002+08:00

"GFP! Love always!"

Post 'A' results-day events and whatnots
Prayers BE EMPOWERED photography seminar Jes and Jones' birthdays Meeting with MMMC 'Lonely no more' Lau Pa Sat TK C&C(&C) SRP (COOH + N BEST. Totally consultation-freestyle for the 2^nd session!) SMU 100^th day IT Show 2010 (500D ♥) NUS (apparently I'm sick of NTU because of my 3-month research in SPMS!) Colleague's birthday SRP (IONIC DIE) Traffick Jam Jes' performance GFP TTM
... And many more. I can't possibly remember everything.

What's left
1 science video 3 emcee videos 5 band videos Photo burning Screening of P3 and P6 exam papers Math hierarchy More SRP More Vmeet FTT (seriously, S.H.I.T this) Face of EOS essay (hopefully) Good news from PSC/MOE/NUS interview(?) Psychometric test(?) 2^nd PHOTOSHOOOOOT
... And of course. I can't possibly not GFP with my loves.

Furthermore I just typed a 2,000+++ word post in LJ and I typically cannot be bothered to regurgitate all the nitty gritty chronicles here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GFP FRIENDS! Yes, friendS! The GFP circle is growing at an amazingly exponential rate! OK, that was hyperbolic to say the least, but I'm truly enjoying myself and I hope you all are too! Anyway, I apologise for not GFPing WITH YOU GUYS! It's nice to know that you miss my presence dearly. GFP and L O V E always.

Guess what I saw in MJ!

LIKE WHAAAT THE FECK, YES I KNOW. If Subway's just a stone's throw away, then this is merely overturning a stone. But wait, there's more. AIR-CONS WILL BE INSTALLED IN THE E BLOCKS. SHIT THIS! But throw me all the incentives in the world- I'd hold a steadfast front and I will NOT revert back to the anal JC days. "Duh. Haha."

Well at least this entails cool SRP lessons for my classes... Literally.

As an event photographer cum videographer for UNIFEM's Traffick Jam, I shot various blogshops, activities and not to mention a whole slew of bands. So I was blithely shooting band after band... Until OMGZ RUN NEON TIGER ROCKED THEIR GIG! I fell in love with Canon (the title of their song, not my 500D!) and instantaneously recorded their songs thereafter.

Equate ラルクアンシエル (L'Arc-en-Ciel) and Muse/Red Hot Chili Peppers to RNT. I totally dig the electric guitars in Broken Butterfly. It's called sexiness in sync.

The lead singer looked at me in the eye x ∞ oh the perks of being a photographer. ;D

CJC educates lyrical beings.

Halogenic rainbows and honey
I should sew my mouth shut

No Time To Crap (#1 and #2)

2010-03-15T10:04:00.008+08:00

Why is it that some ex-MJ tutors never fail to give me a morning call/SMS whenever I am dead set on sleeping in?! Silence, phone, silence. Although the notion '"I have no time, you idiot!" "But God gives everyone 24 hours so don't complain!!"' invariably holds true to this day, somehow, I find myself armed with a lightsaber and intrepidity while challenging Time in a distorted steampunk world, incognito.

Not a very self-explanatory title up there, eh.

No Time To Crap #1: where crap = shit = the process of defaecation
Sometimes, I am so busy to the point where I have no time to take a crap or bathe because I need to settle urgent matters, pronto. Don't you just hate that feeling? Think of it as a daily routine.

No Time To Crap #2: where crap = rubbish = the art of spouting gibberish inanely
Which is ironic because I'm crapping now solely for cathartic purposes.

Darn, I have no time.

I have no regrets canceling my Japan trip. Time is evil.

Don't Need A Lullaby

2010-03-11T10:59:00.014+08:00

Today, at a fantastically ungodly hour after designing a frame for the canvas of my future, I was dead set on sleeping in. A few hours later, my ex-MJ tutor gave me a morning call. "Wake up... CAH-MORRRN, wake up!!! You got no time!!!" With slumber numbing my heart and vertigo engulfing my brain, I managed, with much effort, to psycho myself (half) awake and continue moving with the world.

I also have an SRP meeting at Lau Pa Sat-ay later. *pulls hair out*

I'd very much like to hit the sheets 6 hours earlier tonight but I realise I seriously cannot afford to lose anymore time.

March is exciting, but it makes me a busy bee. Buzz.

[EDIT]

OMGX IN THE SPAN OF JUST A FEW DAYS I HAVE 349024702473274 THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

[/EDIT]

Semi-Hiatus Mode

2010-03-06T23:52:00.024+08:00

Hectic SRP RX -OH finalisation in the background...
No chance to play/converse with Sidney!

Semi-hiatus. Shit tight deadlines. I might blog once in a while.
Work research meetings study events work research meetings study events WORK RESEARCH MEETINGS STUDY EVENTS.
Coupled with bloodshot eyes and a good gun.

It's an inexplicably vicious cycle.

GFP FTW.

Society In Wonderland

2010-03-05T19:02:00.015+08:00

Private LJ post. Pixelated whatever needs to be censored.

Currently craving darkly humourous books such as Out by Natsuo Kirino and Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz.

Everyone was asking me, "Not bad... Are you happy? Are you satisfied?"
I couldn't give them a direct answer because... Well anyway. Only you, GFP friend, know the truth behind the truth, so do keep it a secret.

OH and I saw my student 22 Carbonyl Pro "HEY I saw you on the screen!" in the canteen. (I have no idea WHY I perpetually bump into my students in my alma mater) "Eh! :) ... Remember to... Study for your carbonyl test ah!" That made me smile truly for the first time.

[EDIT]

The news can demoralize thousands. 9 As?! And to think HOW FREAKEN HARD IT IS JUST TO SECURE ONE. SINGLE. A?!

Phone bills on high today!

A reason to smile.

(Pardon my grammatical error)

You know, heck the number of distinctions- I'm just pretty amazed at the fact that I even survived JC life.

It's a chapter closed - Soon Siang.

[/EDIT]

Transcendental Irrationality

2010-02-27T22:37:00.001+08:00

Anguish called as Erica quoted Derrida.

An object requires an addition to make it complete. But, if it is already complete, then why does it still require an addition?

The Chase by ~chewygummies on deviant ART
Truth be told, I'm not exceptionally worried about Friday.
Because, I realise, regardless of achieving a stellar set of results or otherwise, my future is doomed. I do not envision the possibility that I might not even survive this week. Instead, I stand in front of a full-length mirror. I breathe into my reflection. I trace my mist. I wonder about the past in 18 years time and the future 18 years ago. Time is evil.

Because of you. And you. Who conveniently assured each other that "there won't be a next time" but the damage has already been done. And you expect me to pick up the pieces that you have left behind. But I will. Because it is my duty to do so.

Because of your selfishness, you live a life of selflessness. But. I reiterate.
The. Damage. Has. Already. Been. Done.

Rushed For The Love

2010-02-26T09:55:00.002+08:00

You're the second guy in my life who did and said such sweet things.

There's no relationship in the works, just transitory friendship imbued with the informality of life.

Macs With Mr Max, SRP Phail

2010-02-20T16:20:00.007+08:00

TODAY WAS OH HOW HECTIC.

Ever since my nightmares materlised in the form of abstruse summation and integration symbols, my life was never the same again. Constantly living in a microcosm of fear and dread literally made me a lifeless, dull girl who fervently wished for this insane ordeal to be over.

So this morning somehow I found myself finally confiding in my ex-MJ tutor (or counsellor-to-be) over breakfast at Macs after his tersely laconic reply that went, "Join me for breakfast."

Now I am scared shitless because I owe him ~~an 'A'~~ a decent grade for my worst subject and $2.60.

AND DAMN THE PROJECTOR WOES. I was never that IT-savvy to begin with so I hastily absconded to E 1-3 with Toshiba 'cos the stupid projector simply refused to listen to me that idiot. Maria was unexpectedly down with fever so Simone and I joined forces and ~~MFBWY~~ MFBWU! We aren't exactly the most experienced teachers; we merely complemented each other and attempted to skim through the worksheet at godspeed. I guess we learnt a thing or two from the 1^st session. Good job Simone! BUT IT'S ONLY OUR SECOND LESSON AND WHUUUT WHAT'S WITH THE LONG DEDUCTIVE AND FRICKEN TWO-MARK MECHANISM QUESTIONS?!

The incorrigible duo in the 2^nd session were up to no good again, as usual.
"STOP TSK-ING ME! NOW ANSWER THIS QUESTION!" MWAHAHAHA.

Sorry Erica I (or even we) don't think I want to be in your shoes either ROFL. I want to be hardworking and detestable! :D

YOU - Looking For A Job?

2010-02-18T10:35:00.010+08:00

IF YOU'RE STILL LOOKING FOR A JOB,

Task: Database for Math software + misc.
Location: Bedok
Duration: Until 31^st July + leave with reasons
Work days: All weekdays (9-6) except Monday + at least one weekend (half-day) / flexible
Vacancies: 2-3
Experience: No experience required. You just need to have a passion for Math
Pay: Text / MSN / email / PM / DM me if interested

Work with me! I need another colleague(s) to complete this software by mid-year!

As I've been working for quite some time now, all I can say is - THIS IS A FREAKEN GFP JOB. Not as GFP as MOE but it should suffice. :)

接下来, 就是见证奇迹的时刻

2010-02-13T12:27:00.002+08:00

DAD AND I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!
OH OUR IDOL~ *swoons*

Anyway, does anyone know how to use Serif Creative Suite? I would like to know the basics so that the potential benefits of a ~~possible~~ positive externality can be fully utilised in the future...

Mystery Man And Me

2010-02-07T17:33:00.008+08:00

~~I AM EXTREMELY DISTRESSED RIGHT NOW.~~

My maid cleared my drawers and Mystery Man instantly jolted me awake. "NO!!!" I cried in chagrin and hysteria, rummaging through my medals, Caran d'Ache materials, postcards, personal letters and 1001 inscrutable doodads.

~~"Mystery man. Where's my mystery man?! That's the only photo I have of us together!"~~

[EDIT]

~~I gave him a chance.~~
~~I don't know whether to give him 10, 1000, or 100,000 more because he doesn't seem to give me any.~~

Mystery Man, I am SO over you.

Thnks fr th mmrs, and goodbye.

[/EDIT]

Touched By An Angel

2010-02-06T20:55:00.007+08:00

A simple quote dedicated to my friends:

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

I feel extremely touched, loved and blessed. :) Thank you ALL for being there for me... I ♥ ALL of you.

Honestly, I have (too many x ∞) stuff to blog about and most of it's on my LJ (friends-locked post) so... The photos shall do the talking.

Unagi

f/2.8 1/17s NO WONDER.

(BTW it's 'Meri-t', not 'Meri-dian' LOL)

Dad was so fascinated by the mike!

(We didn't sit anywhere near it for the previous one and he became grouchy!)

This, I have no comments, but... 你自己心里有数!

把脉... :(

P6 books... These are only half of what my brother has!

2.4, extraneous much?

MY FAVE JOB THUS FAR!

FAIL! 8D

LIABILITIES. LITERALLY.

Officially a contributor of Gorgeous Photography!

... And a hell lot more stuff in my LJ.

OH AND I JUST REALISED THAT

113 OWNS BIO & CHEM SRP!!!!!

OMG E-RI-CA?!?!?!?!?!?!?! My 'earliest' student, I mean, MISS EWE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA today was definitely a good day!
Seeing Simone who kindly printed extra materials for both Maria and me,
Maria, the flighty and ditzy girl who was literally herself,
ERICA totally 单枪独马 and *quotes her* 'LOVABLE'(?!) HAHAHAHAHA,
Mrs Suresh, Mr Max and Mr Lin again was undoubtedly refreshing!

SRP was pretty smooth-sailing... But...

NO MORE JEANS, MORE WATER!!!
If Cedric was in SRP too PW foodclub would've been complete, coupled with laptops, camaraderie and all!

I LOVE TEACHING.
As for results day, that's another thing altogether isn't it.

I jst lv hrng yr vce agn

Come To Naught

2010-01-31T16:25:00.008+08:00

NOOOOO THEN ALL MY EFFORT HAS COME TO NAUGHT!!! D':<
*incensed*

NEED BACKUP.
This had better not happen during my lessons!

不计较 不比较 心存感恩

In One Fell Swoop

ə dʒedəd nɪu jɪr

The Year Of Many Firsts

9 Hours In A Forest

2011 Canon Photo Contest

My Supportive Fmabily

Postera Crescam Laude

pænəsiə fɔr ə pændɔrəz bɔks

æn əmjuzɪŋ aftərnun

Silence Of Love

The Great Depression

(99) Days Of Summer

'Your Perfect Daughter'

Strawberries And Ethanol

Fast Cars And Long Legs

500D WB SHIFT/BKT A9 G9

Fact, Fiction Or Faction

Saddle Point Onwards

RMBR 062511 Forever

Smart Players... Lose?

Smart players sometimes lose to dumb ones

7 Hours Of Chemistry

National Chemistry Week 2011

What Is Ignorance?

Year 2, Semester 1, Ground 0

Being Politically Netural

Cheese Tissue Birthday

Cheaters, Suckers And Grudgers

Megadeath Of The Mind

Edicius Once Again

Meridian, I Ch(o)ose You!

Three Is Better Than Too

*, The Jealous Hypocrite

A Hare-py New Year?

Don't Do This To Me

Bite, Or Take The Bullet

Welcome To LKM1401

NUS Gambling Module

A Few Inane Quizzes

2011: Pixlr Filters Galore

Another Grim Reflection

On Experiential Learning

In Your Humble Abode

His Secondhand Serenade

Screwed Up Semester

Random Biodiversity Pun

Potential For Malfunction

Odontoceti And Mysteceti

Easy Proving Question (Math)

A Haul Of Jellyfishes

Physics VS Engineering

Chemistry For Chemistry

I Hate Mathematics I

An Unforgettable Night

The Interes-ting T(h)ings

Unfortunately Fourier

Teachers' Day 2010

TSPC 2010 @ Suntec

Rapunzel's Demise

Advertising For Driving

As Bee As A Busy

Goodbye World

Scent Of Adolescence

Me, The Driving Hazard

Abhorrence, But Tolerance

myaugustsky tumblr.

President's Challenge 2010

Teacher, What's In Tuition

Miss Miscommunication

Haemo- and Trypanophobic

Stranger Than Fiction

Bedok And Its Perks

Xtra Xtreme Xhaustion

I'm A Scholar. But So?

Better Than Bieber

'Fall' Leaf Clover

Snip Goes The Heart

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The U-Turn(s) In Life

不计较不比较心存感恩